Thursday, January 29, 2009
Meeting with Aunt and Uncle, TONIGHT
CPS has allowed J and I to meet with Aunt and Uncle tonight. We are going to their house under the pretenses, according to the discussion when the invitation was made, that they are strongly considering consenting for their rights to be removed. I am nervous. The tone on the phone call was very calm, defeated, and matter of fact. I do feel bad for them. They try and they care, but they don't know what they just don't know. They are limited by their own experiences and hardened to compromise or further learning in the family structure route. Anyway, we plan to meet them with love and understanding regardless of the outcome or their true intent. I know that E said that G was tired and that this stress was litterally killing him. I think they are looking for a resolution in which they could again see C and get this over with sooner rather than later. I do think some closure here would lead to great growth for C as well. I will let you all know how it goes no later than tomorrow. If you are a believer, please hold us all up in your prayers as we embark on this "journey". We want to really meet them where they are at, without judgement or false pretenses.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Meeting Yesterday
As you know, we had the meeting with Bio Aunt and Uncle yesterday. It was uncomfortable at best. After speaking with CPS as to how sibling visits would transpire, I went out side to meet up with my family and leave. C immediately approached me and asked "Why am I not going to visit my aunt and uncle any more?" I asked her to get in the car and then I began to explain as simply as possible that a family can not see two therapists and that until a decision to stay with Mrs. B for services or until the judge allowed for a different plan to be in place, that visits with them would be suspended. She tried to ask clarifying questions but when I answered, she snapped back at me. I let it go. She was obviously stressed.
She was wearing a new necklace. Not new... new to her. She brought it up moments later, proudly showing it to me. Turns out that her bio mom from jail sent it to aunt G and that aunt G gave it to A, the sister to give to C. So here it was. From jail to C's neck. I have specifically asked Aunt G to NOT send the letters from bio mom's jail to C until this situation is more resolved. The poor child is in a state of emotional confusion as it is and yet, look what happened. Is she being intentional in her pursue to get bio mom's stuff to C or is she not aware enough to relize what she is doing?? Either way, I don't know how you feel, but it is NOT appropriate. Her bio mom is getting out of jail soon but has a history of gang and drug issues- enough to spend more than one stay in jail. How is this going to be addressed? How does CPS feel about involvement and contact by bio mom?
So C was stressed last night. She was short, moody, and BOSSY! We let more go than normal given the situation. I asked how things were with her brother and sister. She had fun with them.
I put her down for bed and had a moment to talk. I asked her how she was feeling when her aunt and uncle told her that they weren't going to see her for a while. She didn't know. I asked her how she felt about it now. She was casual and stated that it made her sad. I asked "sad for you or sad for them?" She replied ," Sad for them." I guess her uncle was crying adn she doesn't want to hurt them. She said that she didn't mind seeing them, she just doesn't want to live with them. I think she was really happy with the way things were with visitation at Beth's. She felt safe. She, in a weird way, did enjoy seeing them in this safe environment. I don't think she cares two flips about seeing aunt, but uncle, she feels bad for. She had so much as said that even uncle is treated mean by the aunt so she feels relatable with his situation.
The whole thing is so sad. It is sad that aunt and uncle can't even see where the divide in the whole therapy situation exists, let alone compromise on how to get to a place that works for everyone. As much as C doesn't want to go back to living with these people, I think she even feels bad that they don't get it.
She was wearing a new necklace. Not new... new to her. She brought it up moments later, proudly showing it to me. Turns out that her bio mom from jail sent it to aunt G and that aunt G gave it to A, the sister to give to C. So here it was. From jail to C's neck. I have specifically asked Aunt G to NOT send the letters from bio mom's jail to C until this situation is more resolved. The poor child is in a state of emotional confusion as it is and yet, look what happened. Is she being intentional in her pursue to get bio mom's stuff to C or is she not aware enough to relize what she is doing?? Either way, I don't know how you feel, but it is NOT appropriate. Her bio mom is getting out of jail soon but has a history of gang and drug issues- enough to spend more than one stay in jail. How is this going to be addressed? How does CPS feel about involvement and contact by bio mom?
So C was stressed last night. She was short, moody, and BOSSY! We let more go than normal given the situation. I asked how things were with her brother and sister. She had fun with them.
I put her down for bed and had a moment to talk. I asked her how she was feeling when her aunt and uncle told her that they weren't going to see her for a while. She didn't know. I asked her how she felt about it now. She was casual and stated that it made her sad. I asked "sad for you or sad for them?" She replied ," Sad for them." I guess her uncle was crying adn she doesn't want to hurt them. She said that she didn't mind seeing them, she just doesn't want to live with them. I think she was really happy with the way things were with visitation at Beth's. She felt safe. She, in a weird way, did enjoy seeing them in this safe environment. I don't think she cares two flips about seeing aunt, but uncle, she feels bad for. She had so much as said that even uncle is treated mean by the aunt so she feels relatable with his situation.
The whole thing is so sad. It is sad that aunt and uncle can't even see where the divide in the whole therapy situation exists, let alone compromise on how to get to a place that works for everyone. As much as C doesn't want to go back to living with these people, I think she even feels bad that they don't get it.
School Situation
What can I say?? I put an email into the principal and got an email back saying it was being forwarded to the "right" people and that I should hear something soon. I got a call on Friday. It was a lady from the special education department who tried to tell me that according to the notes from the IEP meeting, I was just plain wrong. That her testing was done. I couldn't help but to correct her, telling her that I was told that they didn't want to pull her out the last week of school before break because she would miss all of the holiday fun and that the OT hadn't gotten around to it and that we would be going over it after I completed the at home tests they sent me away with. Not to mention, C said she had only been pulled out 1 time and it was only for one test. She quickly backed off and said that she sees so many children that she must have them confused. As if that helps me.
She offered to put C into a tutor program through Special Ed that pulls her out the last 20 minutes of each class period for help in a small group setting. The teachers had suggested this once they were asked by this lady what they felt C needed. I loved the idea and asked that it be put into place, however, I STILL WANT THE TESTS DONE and I want the scores. I was told that the psychologist at the school that hasn't returned any letters or calls was out on leave so that once she got back, I should hear something. I will give it until the end of this week and follow up again.
I also put in for a school variance. I noticed on the form that Open Enrollment is now over. I don't know who I will need to talk to in order for her to get a slot at her existing school for next year, but I want to get this done. I do feel that of all the options, her staying in the school will prevent us from having to repeat the process of getting the school on board with meeting her needs. First, we need this school to support the child and teachers. Then, we need to keep her at the school to avoid any issues going into next year.
I will keep you posted as we hear more...
She offered to put C into a tutor program through Special Ed that pulls her out the last 20 minutes of each class period for help in a small group setting. The teachers had suggested this once they were asked by this lady what they felt C needed. I loved the idea and asked that it be put into place, however, I STILL WANT THE TESTS DONE and I want the scores. I was told that the psychologist at the school that hasn't returned any letters or calls was out on leave so that once she got back, I should hear something. I will give it until the end of this week and follow up again.
I also put in for a school variance. I noticed on the form that Open Enrollment is now over. I don't know who I will need to talk to in order for her to get a slot at her existing school for next year, but I want to get this done. I do feel that of all the options, her staying in the school will prevent us from having to repeat the process of getting the school on board with meeting her needs. First, we need this school to support the child and teachers. Then, we need to keep her at the school to avoid any issues going into next year.
I will keep you posted as we hear more...
Friday, January 23, 2009
A few week update
Well, I have been bad and haven't written for some time. SOrry gang!!!
Today was a great meeting with J, our behaviorist. I always get so much insight as to "why" C does some of the thing she does and how to go about bringing positive reform. Thank you, J, for the insight. It is a priceless session that we have!
Anyway, there have been good and bad moments over the past few weeks. We have had time out like I do with my tots several times but I have found her to respond in the same way a 3 year old going to time out would. And I have also found it to be hugely effective. I doubted all of it before I did it, but have done it again since since it has really seemed to resolve the issues at hand.
I have also chosen to confront C on the idea of "hating school." Her teachers have told me that she seems to really enjoy it so I have told her that I know she DOES enjoy it. That has made for a couple pleasant days this week and I hope to keep going in that direction, but am now armed with some great tools if she regresses in this area. I will not tollerate that doom and gloom that has been associated with school. I am expecting more from her and without that expectation, it will be hard for her to rise to that level.
WE have also had some brilliant moments. She is doing SO MUCH better. We went to our cabin this weekend and she went sledding. She had a blast and other than a sore bum, she came out one happy child. She tolerated us watching the Cardinals game, but barely. She LOVES to be the center of attention and bides for it if it isn't freely given. I think we handled it well and she did, too. Still a ways to go, but we are getting there.
I am going to my mom's house to scrapbook tonight. I am looking forward to it and again, I have new tools for how to respond when she tantrums at the thought of me having fun without her. I am anxious to see how it goes- a good kind of anxious. I will be leaving this event early tonight to take C to a birthday party she got invited to. A late night skating party! There aren't many so we try to let her go whenever possible.
Well, That is it for now. I will try to get back on this thing more often. Thank you to you all for ALL your support. She is really doing quite well and I am eager to keep her growing in the right direction, Lord willing!
Today was a great meeting with J, our behaviorist. I always get so much insight as to "why" C does some of the thing she does and how to go about bringing positive reform. Thank you, J, for the insight. It is a priceless session that we have!
Anyway, there have been good and bad moments over the past few weeks. We have had time out like I do with my tots several times but I have found her to respond in the same way a 3 year old going to time out would. And I have also found it to be hugely effective. I doubted all of it before I did it, but have done it again since since it has really seemed to resolve the issues at hand.
I have also chosen to confront C on the idea of "hating school." Her teachers have told me that she seems to really enjoy it so I have told her that I know she DOES enjoy it. That has made for a couple pleasant days this week and I hope to keep going in that direction, but am now armed with some great tools if she regresses in this area. I will not tollerate that doom and gloom that has been associated with school. I am expecting more from her and without that expectation, it will be hard for her to rise to that level.
WE have also had some brilliant moments. She is doing SO MUCH better. We went to our cabin this weekend and she went sledding. She had a blast and other than a sore bum, she came out one happy child. She tolerated us watching the Cardinals game, but barely. She LOVES to be the center of attention and bides for it if it isn't freely given. I think we handled it well and she did, too. Still a ways to go, but we are getting there.
I am going to my mom's house to scrapbook tonight. I am looking forward to it and again, I have new tools for how to respond when she tantrums at the thought of me having fun without her. I am anxious to see how it goes- a good kind of anxious. I will be leaving this event early tonight to take C to a birthday party she got invited to. A late night skating party! There aren't many so we try to let her go whenever possible.
Well, That is it for now. I will try to get back on this thing more often. Thank you to you all for ALL your support. She is really doing quite well and I am eager to keep her growing in the right direction, Lord willing!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Pout Bout
So most of you know that CPS was not represented at the meeting last week. Visits are suspended until CPS makes a ruling as to where and how the visits will proceed. WE have not heard on this. I will post once we know.
Things have been so good around here, until yesterday morning. C has been wanting to wake up before me. She readies herself and then once it is really time to get up, she is all ready to head down stairs and eat. She eats quickly and then wants to snuggle with me on the couch and watch cartoons. Well, yesterday morning I messed up the alarm clock and overslept. 15 minutes after I was supposed to have gone up to get C, she was in the laundry room stomping around and banging into things to wake me. I went in and appologized that my alarm had not gone off which was received with tears and comments about pants she wanted to wear. I informed her that I had just done laundry the day prior and she needed to just wear a pair from her drawer. She STORMED upstairs. The tots were asleep prior to her new rant in her room. I heard mild bangs into the walls and closet doors being "moved" quite firmly. I decided to ignore it and just wait for her to come down. I think she was doing the same- waiting for me to come up.
Finally, 10 minutes before the arrival of her bus, she came down stairs. She began to cry and said she had no time to eat breakfast. Choices, it is all choices. She was up now for over an hour and had just gotten dressed. That is not my fault... anyway, I explained that she would need to hurry. I sat next to her and while she shoveled in the cereal and prayed silently for her. She finished and we prayed together. I talked to her about how she needs to have grace for MOMMY making mistakes. It happens to all of us... I did not intentionally wake up late. She ended up ok and headed off to school.
Homework has been light since we have been back but she is still down on school. She comes home tense. She is starving for my attention and affection and really struggles with controlling everything going on in the house. My sweet, relaxed, gentle child that I had acheived during break seems to be gone again. It frustrates me. I don't know what to do about it, though. I ended up pretty frustrated last night at trying to do something like get a drink for a tot or work with the AASK worker here for the monthly report and C trying to pull me out of it and onto something she wanted me to see or do... not because she needed me or even really had something to say... she just can't handle sharing me. That is so much pressure on me and last night I finally told her that I just can't do so many things at once... It would all just have to wait. I thought she would get mad, but instead, she realized she had gone to far....
Things have been so good around here, until yesterday morning. C has been wanting to wake up before me. She readies herself and then once it is really time to get up, she is all ready to head down stairs and eat. She eats quickly and then wants to snuggle with me on the couch and watch cartoons. Well, yesterday morning I messed up the alarm clock and overslept. 15 minutes after I was supposed to have gone up to get C, she was in the laundry room stomping around and banging into things to wake me. I went in and appologized that my alarm had not gone off which was received with tears and comments about pants she wanted to wear. I informed her that I had just done laundry the day prior and she needed to just wear a pair from her drawer. She STORMED upstairs. The tots were asleep prior to her new rant in her room. I heard mild bangs into the walls and closet doors being "moved" quite firmly. I decided to ignore it and just wait for her to come down. I think she was doing the same- waiting for me to come up.
Finally, 10 minutes before the arrival of her bus, she came down stairs. She began to cry and said she had no time to eat breakfast. Choices, it is all choices. She was up now for over an hour and had just gotten dressed. That is not my fault... anyway, I explained that she would need to hurry. I sat next to her and while she shoveled in the cereal and prayed silently for her. She finished and we prayed together. I talked to her about how she needs to have grace for MOMMY making mistakes. It happens to all of us... I did not intentionally wake up late. She ended up ok and headed off to school.
Homework has been light since we have been back but she is still down on school. She comes home tense. She is starving for my attention and affection and really struggles with controlling everything going on in the house. My sweet, relaxed, gentle child that I had acheived during break seems to be gone again. It frustrates me. I don't know what to do about it, though. I ended up pretty frustrated last night at trying to do something like get a drink for a tot or work with the AASK worker here for the monthly report and C trying to pull me out of it and onto something she wanted me to see or do... not because she needed me or even really had something to say... she just can't handle sharing me. That is so much pressure on me and last night I finally told her that I just can't do so many things at once... It would all just have to wait. I thought she would get mad, but instead, she realized she had gone to far....
Saturday, January 3, 2009
AMAZING
Wow!! No really... WOW!!!
C woke up a few days ago with a totally different attitude. We talked about being positive and were more direct in our redirecting over the issue but I do not give that talk or our redirecting any credit for ALL the change that has come in the last three days. J and I are STUNNED. She is really growing up. She is looking to please others before herself, she is staying positive, she is sharing, taking an active roll with the tots, etc. I CAN NOT SAY ENOUGH. I have enjoyed her like I always want to... She doesn't try to fight for control over it but is going with it. It is really, really wonderful. I just want to hug her and love her... and she lets me! I have told her the changes we see and how we can tell that she is trying hard to stay positive and how fun she is to be with. It is really fantastic.
She woke up crying this morning because it was Saturday. She dreads school starting again. So sad to see. Daddy hugged her and held her and told her to try and enjoy today and she did!
She is really into this physical fitness thing. I am loving it. It is so good for her to get up and get moving. She is so strong! And for the first time ever, Daddy and I see her pushing through where she would normally quit. She wills herself to acheive her OWN success. Normally, she compares herself to others and gives up "knowing" she can't acheive what they do. This is a test against herself and she is doing so great. She ran with Dad far today and about died, but pushed on to sprint to the finish line. She is popping out pushups and bragging to her cousin all about it. She has done over 100 situps today. WOW! I have told her how great I think she would be at gymnastics and she wants to do it. We are wanting to enroll her this summer when she has more free time. I do think she will love it.
Anyway, 1000 steps forward in the last few days. I am one PROUD mamma. She is SUPER HAPPY and told me that she always has been since she has been here but I can tell that it is reaching a new all time high. Let's hope that school can keep her feeling great about herself!
C woke up a few days ago with a totally different attitude. We talked about being positive and were more direct in our redirecting over the issue but I do not give that talk or our redirecting any credit for ALL the change that has come in the last three days. J and I are STUNNED. She is really growing up. She is looking to please others before herself, she is staying positive, she is sharing, taking an active roll with the tots, etc. I CAN NOT SAY ENOUGH. I have enjoyed her like I always want to... She doesn't try to fight for control over it but is going with it. It is really, really wonderful. I just want to hug her and love her... and she lets me! I have told her the changes we see and how we can tell that she is trying hard to stay positive and how fun she is to be with. It is really fantastic.
She woke up crying this morning because it was Saturday. She dreads school starting again. So sad to see. Daddy hugged her and held her and told her to try and enjoy today and she did!
She is really into this physical fitness thing. I am loving it. It is so good for her to get up and get moving. She is so strong! And for the first time ever, Daddy and I see her pushing through where she would normally quit. She wills herself to acheive her OWN success. Normally, she compares herself to others and gives up "knowing" she can't acheive what they do. This is a test against herself and she is doing so great. She ran with Dad far today and about died, but pushed on to sprint to the finish line. She is popping out pushups and bragging to her cousin all about it. She has done over 100 situps today. WOW! I have told her how great I think she would be at gymnastics and she wants to do it. We are wanting to enroll her this summer when she has more free time. I do think she will love it.
Anyway, 1000 steps forward in the last few days. I am one PROUD mamma. She is SUPER HAPPY and told me that she always has been since she has been here but I can tell that it is reaching a new all time high. Let's hope that school can keep her feeling great about herself!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
What a DAY
Well,
I think God performed another great miracle in life. I woke this mornign to the sweetest gift I have ever receieved and it was from my daughter. C made me a scrapbook with a note in it stating how much she loved me and wants to obey and that even when she is angry that she never stops loving me. It took hours to make and is so pretty and special. She is working very hard to be positive and she is refreshed and refreshing! WOO HOO!
I had made a house rule list to post yesterday... No Interrupting, Say "Yes, Mommy" rather than debating, Be kind to others, use good manners, and clean up after yourself. We intended to start the new year off with this rule list and still do, but have been relishing these great moments for now!
We went GeoCaching this morning. We were all disappointed that we couldn't find the two treasures we set out for. Bummer. She handled it really well, though. YIPPEEEEE!
Off to a great start this new year! Hope yours is going as well! Ours couldn't be any better!
I think God performed another great miracle in life. I woke this mornign to the sweetest gift I have ever receieved and it was from my daughter. C made me a scrapbook with a note in it stating how much she loved me and wants to obey and that even when she is angry that she never stops loving me. It took hours to make and is so pretty and special. She is working very hard to be positive and she is refreshed and refreshing! WOO HOO!
I had made a house rule list to post yesterday... No Interrupting, Say "Yes, Mommy" rather than debating, Be kind to others, use good manners, and clean up after yourself. We intended to start the new year off with this rule list and still do, but have been relishing these great moments for now!
We went GeoCaching this morning. We were all disappointed that we couldn't find the two treasures we set out for. Bummer. She handled it really well, though. YIPPEEEEE!
Off to a great start this new year! Hope yours is going as well! Ours couldn't be any better!
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