Swimming in December

Well, the last two days Dad and I spent googling and looking for a local hotel that had an indoor heated pool. FInally found a couple that were pretty cheap so we decided to surprise the kids and spend a day swimming and the night watching movies and eating junk. C was super excited at the prospect as were the tots and we were off.

I was surprised how much work it was packing for just one night. I even brought the DVD player from home and rented some Blockbuster flicks to help keep the cost down. Turns out that the tv in the hotel room was not compatable with our player so we had to pay to watch a movie anyway. Darn!

So, C did ok. She has been really negative lately and I have about had it with it so gently, I have been pointing out all of the negative things she says. She doesn't get defensive as I had expected she would, but it doesn't seem to be preventing the behavior either. She is also still super attached. We invited my nieces to join us for teh afternoon swim part and she was having a pitty party because "no one wanted to play with her". Of course, I had to keep the tots safe. Aunt was busy helping me with that and also playing with the bigger kids. I guess C wanted a full on game of Marco Polo to break out and let the tots drown... She can be so generous in some ways and SO VERY selfish in others. Dad finally got there and Aunt was able to watch the littlest so we could play Marco Polo and Shark. That pleased her.

She started pouting on our way to dinner. It started over her wanting to take a trip in the hotel elevator. I was not interested in going and did not want to detour our whole party for the sake of her ride up and down... I told her she could do it later if she wanted, once we were all back and in our room. "Alone?" she asked. I said "yes" and that was all it took.

She pouted and then intentionally lagged behind. She got the idea to ride with Aunt to the resaurant to avoid me since I was clearly evil. I allowed all others to go ahead and asked her to stay back. We took a seat on the curb. I asked her what the pouting was all about. She denied it, then defended it. I told her there was no reason- I recalled the conversation and then told her that she needed to put on her happy face and she could ride with her aunt. She agreed, though announced that she hated being the big sister because she always had to set a good example. I stopped her again. I told her that I did not allow my four year old to pout and I certainly was not going to allow my 12 year old to pout. Her response was " I like being the middle sister" then she quickly corrected herself with, " No. I don't like that either." She gets in these moods and I tell you... she just is a hater.

She was upset because Aunt wanted to sit by me at dinner. She was upset that she had to order off the kid menu. She interrupted conversations and corrected me about nothing several times. She worked hard at being the center of attention, as she always does.

After the movie, C and my 3 year old were sharing a bed for the night. The three year old was pretty still but you can image that C wasn't. I asked C to stop moving around so much. She ignored me. My 3 year old flopped once more and C protested her move. I picked up my three and put her in a soft bed I quickly made on the floor out of a duvet and pillow and tucked her in, reassuring her tears and telling her that it wasn't all her fault. That both of my girls needed to learn to hold still in bed for the sake of the other. I asked her if she was comfortable and through her tears, she mumbled a "yes". I got up to find that C had rolled off the bed and onto the floor in a pout. Upset that I had told the three year old that it wasn't all her fault. I am and was done iwth the game. I promptly announced to the 3 that her big sister had decided that she could have the bed all to herself. Wasn't that nice?? I put her back on the bed adn tucked her in while telling C that the bed I had made was more comfortable than the carpet. Of course for teh next hour, C was banging on everything "accidentally" that she could, including the bed frame. I ignored it all.

This morning, C went for a last dip and then all the kids are off to Grandma's house. C announced that she had so much fun. I am sure she did. She generally does. Her behaviors are a game to her and only upsetting to us. I try not to let them bother me, but in the end, I just can't help but to think how much I have to teach her about how to treat people and to respect herself and what a short time I have to do it in. It scares me.

I did have fun. The tots had fun, too. I just would have had so much more fun without the constantly complaining, pouting, and demanding of being the center of attention. Worst part of it is, I don't really know how to bring her out of it so that we can all have fun. She doesn't even realize that it takes the fun out for us. And I am sure she looks at her behavior now and sees an angel compared to where she came from. I also see great improvements, but it doesn't mean that we don't have a long way to go.

This two week break has had many good times and fun moments. Yet, I am SO ready for school to start. Not that I don't enjoy my time as a family but she is so attached to me that I can not leave the room without "getting permission" from her and there is only so much of that one can take without a break. It makes me super nervous for the upcoming summer and makes me very aware of how much correction in behavior I need to address with her between now and then in order for us BOTH to enjoy our 3 month break.

A Night Out For Us =Protest

Nothing has changed in the regard that C does not want me to leave her. It is fine for her to go to her church group and leave me, but the other way around creates a fit most times. Last night was no exception. WE didn't have a date night the week before as we normally did and advanced notice to our date last night was given earlier in the week. It didn't matter. She stormed up stairs and Nana and Papa arrived asking when "will it be my time". I couldn't resist and told her that the last many days were all about "her time". She stormed up stairs, wrote a note to keep out, and then hid in her closet.

This time I minimized the behavior. I knocked and Dad and I went in. WE told her that we loved her and that we would be back soon. Asked if she wanted to give us hugs. She barely hugged us but did do it. We went down stairs. As she often does in this state of mind, she began slamming things around in her room. J went up stairs and told her that it was time to make a choice. We were leaving and she could either stay in her room and suffer the consequences of that choice, or she could go be pleasant and have fun with her grandparents. We told Nana how to deal with a negative choice and left. She snapped out of it as soon as we left. She just wanted to be sure that I knew she was not happy about it and she wanted to see if she could control me in getting me to stay.

Nana and Papa said she had a blast with them last night. She did Papa's hair all up in clips which I am sure was a sight to see. They wrestled and played with their new Christmas toys. C always says that she never has fun when Nana and Papa stay here for us to go out but I know it isn't true. It is more trying to get me to stay.

Today we played Rock Band for about an hour as a family. She cried several times when she didn't do well. She really over values her failures. I hope, with time, we can get her to see that it is JUST A GAME. Again, we minimized the behavior and she is doing fine now. Dad made mention of the fact that she doesn't want to join in new clubs or games because of fear of failure and having to figure out how to make friends there, too. It is sad. She has so much potential and sells herself short.

Christmas was interesting... she did well but would go upstairs at times to just get away from the people. She knew the people (all but J's sister and her kids) and yet still pulled away at times. I let her. I wanted her to have a fun holiday but at times, it was awkward to explain to people that she just wanted to "watch tv" which was not at all what was really going on. She did play LIFE with one Grandma and aunt and of course ate with us and opened gifts. I think she had a lot going on emotionally and it was a lot to take in. She loved her gifts from us and felt very spoiled. She was overjoyed with the family time with just us and the tots and kept asking when we would have more time like that.

We are going to my mom's house tonight. We won't stay long with church tomorrow. It should be fun though since my neices will be there and she enjoys them very much.

We feel so blessed to have her in the family this Christmas. I am anxious for our meeting on Monday with CPS, aunt and uncle, and Ms. B... ready to see where that chapter is going to end, or should I say, begin.

A Party, Or Two

C has been a party animal and her social life is FINALLY taking off. So glad to see it! She had a sleep over at her cousin's house on Thrs, a sleep over birthday party on Friday at her best friend from church's house... Sat to recover (of course there was a visit with Grandma Friday night) and then Sun, today, had her small group over for a Christmas party. They were a SUPER fun group and C had a blast! She was socially appropriate and participated in all the activities and told Ms. C (her teacher) that she loved her before she left. She really does care for her and the group and it was just really great to see her feeling so loved by a peer group. It is really good for her soul.

A new SUPER cute thing that C is doing... her and Daddy have really bonded lately. They wrestly all of the time, went to the dance together, tell eachother silly (but not so funny) jokes, etc... anyway, she now wears his REALLY big sweatshirts to bed at night over her PJ's. She is getting Daddy hugs all night and LOVES it. It was her idea and she looks so snuggly in the giant shirt. It is a site.

We have to call Aunt E tomorrow to set up a time to pick up C's gift card before Christmas. I am super annoyed by having to figure out a time without C to make it happen. It is not like aunt didn't know when the last visit before the holiday would be and we are fully booked between now and then in preparations and appointments but I am hoping we can send Daddy on the errand. I think this was another play of control on the part of the aunt but I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and think perhaps she didn't have the money to buy it sooner so it had to be after the visit. Either way, I don't want to give her room to complain about our actions so we are working to make time to do it for C's sake and our own.

I have been thinking more about what C said the other psych did. The whole "eye for an eye" concept with the tapping on the child... It has me upset. I am PRAYING that things somehow work out with Ms. B. Ms. B is so professional and really does consider protecting the mental health of everyone in the room. I feel comfortable with that and I know C does, too. Let me know as soon as we have a decision from CPS on this. I am eager to breathe easier on the issue!

Merry Christmas if I don't post again before hand. Thank you to you all for everything you have done.

Friends

GREAT NEWS!!! This week there has been no homework as a gift to the students and C is loving it. She is coming home in great spirits and enjoying the few hours of freedom. She came home from school on Thrs and asked to PLAY WITH FRIENDS??? I was thinking ," what friends??" But she made friends on the bus and they all rode scooters in front of the house and they are NICE kids. I was super excited and I froze to death but really was happy to see my daughter play with FRIENDS after school. FIRST TIME, and so super cool!

School

YIKES! I don't think the school did any testing and istead of admitting it, they put an IEP together anyway based on her ADHD. It was a joke. They called me on Friday and asked me to come in. The teacher didn't know about it until the day prior. They were up against a deadline, had no scores to show me, and only last years AIMS results to say that she isn't learning delayed. Ms. M, her home room teacher, was concerned about her ability to read and write and stated that it is more than inattentiveness. The good news is that they intend to do "more tests" at the first of the year to see how to best work with her and they will have test scores for me then, too. Nice, huh??? What a joke. I don't know any more now than I did 3 months ago. I asked what her IQ was and I was told "in the normal range. She is capable." Is that a pat answer or what?

SHOCKING stuff about last visit

Well, tonight we went to visit Grandma D and Aunt G. The visit went smooth and it was nice to get to know them better. Grandma did say she had no intentions of asking for custody as long as C was happy here. Yippeeee!!! That was great to hear.

The part that was shocking was on the drive home, C told me stuff she has found out that D, her brother, has been doing. Not good stuff and she doesn't want to tell her aunt or Ms. B because she will be a snitch. Nothing serious, so I told her that it was fine and we talked about the kinds fo things that she would need to share with an adult to make sure he was always safe. Better safe and mad at her than unsafe and happy with her.... anyway, in talking about it, she told me more about what happened last visit.

I guess that last visit aunt told Ms. B that the other psych said that people who do drugs are bipolar and that A, the sister, is probably bipolar. That bio mom is likely bipolar and that that is why the bad choices are being made. All this being said in front of all the kids... and C says that is just mean. That this other person doesn't even know her mom ( the aunt has had it in her head that the whole family is bipolar and has been telling the kids this for years and C HATES IT!) Then she says that this person (she is calling her a case manager and I keep telling her it is NOT a case manager so she never thinks that B from CPS would do these things) was tapping A, the sister's shoulder to annoy her while asking "does this annoy you?" A said no and it continued. C said that this "case worker" is so mean. I asked her what the point of that was and she said that the new "case worker" wanted to show her how annoying she was to the aunt. Again, mean was the word that C used over and over.... SO... without ever seeing this new pyschologist, C already knows more than she wants and so do I. This does not seem like professional conduct what so ever and I can see why aunt likes her so much. I am super concerned about putting C into this same doctor. How do you feel about it, team??

I got a picture of C when she was 2 or 3. That is really neat. She is with her bio mom who obviously is using at the time. Neat to have it though and we are excited to put it in her life book.

After the CFT

I just took C to her church class tonight. They were having a Christmas party so she was pretty jazzed about it. On the way there, C asked if I told Ms. B (CPS case worker) what she told me to tell her, thus referring to the fact that she wanted to be adopted and quickly. I assured her that I did. "Well what did she say??" I told her that no promises were made but the it was suggested that she write the judge and/or Mr. M a letter expressing her desires. She said with excitement that she would. I also told her about the bonding assessment the was being required. I didn't tell her what it was, only that a doctor would be asking her and them questions. She stated with confidence that she would and could tell the doctor that she doesn't want to live there and that she wants to stay here... I asked her "won't that be hard to do in front of your aunt and uncle?" She was shocked, asking, "They will be in there at the same time?!" I nodded and she began to cry stating that she HATES this. She hates the doctor and that she didn't want to go. I assured her that the doctor would not ask really hard questions and that it wasn't even on the calendar yet. I don't know... maybe I shouldn't have told her about it yet. Once she was calm I asked her if she thought that when she told me, Ms. B, Ms. D, Ms. B, Ms. A about her desire to stay here if she thought that her aunt would already hear it and know. She stated that she did think her aunt heard. I told her at some point her aunt should here it from her. She got a great idea and stated "I could write her a letter and Ms. B (psychologist) could give it to her". I told her that was a great idea! She quickly realized that her aunt would make her talk about it at a family visit and started to think it was a bad idea. I then reminded her that Ms. B would already know what was in the letter and that Ms. B would make sure that the aunt did not yell or get inappropriate with her in any way. She said " Ms. B is the best. I love Ms. B" (No folks, I am not making this up.) I told her that Ms. B had said today that there would be no more yelling in the visits and she made a fist and pulled it to her saying " Yes!!! Go, Ms. B!" So I guess that even though she is used to the yelling and "mean aunt", she doesn't like it and is pleased to hear that it will be stopped. C has NO IDEA that there may be in a change in therapists in the future. I have chosen not to tell her, knowing how upsetting it will be to have uncertainty in this role.

Anyway, I told her she did not have to write any letters and that it was up to her. She stated that she wanted to. We will see if she does it. She was in good spirits by the time we arrived at church. She got invited to her best friend's sleep over birthday party on Friday. We have a visit with Grandma that day so we will have to do some working to make it happen. YEAH!!!! Social stuff!!! YEAH!!! Oh yeh, I told her that she would get to start seeing her brother and sister without her aunt and uncle and she was SUPER happy about that. She asked if I would be there and was thrilled to hear that I would be. She also asked if I could be with her at the bonding assessment and I told her I would ask. She wants me in the room and next to her though I don't know if that is possible. She is super scared to be alone and confronted by her aunt. She told me that she never wanted to call her aunt "mom" but that she was forced to and she wished her mom had never signed her over to her aunt. So sad.

Thanks for your patience with my emotions at the meeting today. I am sorry that I cried. I just feel sad when I see less stability starting to come back into her life. Sorry!!

Visit today

Well, as they go, it wasn't too bad. We had Papa making us special home made pizza when we got home and that was something to look forward to. In the car, she said that her aunt was mean to her uncle. She said that she knew that her uncle was hurt by her mean ways but that he didn't dare say a thing. She also said that the aunt was mean to Ms. B and that she is pretty much this way with a lot of people. She said that the aunt told her that she wanted her back. I asked how she felt about this... "I don't want to go back, Mom." We talked about how nice it was for her to see her siblings and then it was over. We were home and she did pretty good. A bit bossy, playing up her cold and the fact that she just doesn't feel good, but she is down stairs rocking out with Daddy and Papa on the Rock Band so she is good and distracted for now. I think she will rest ok tonight because she is a bit sick... so I hope that any negatives from this visit are done and we are normal tomorrow. We will see!

I did have a conversation with Ms. B when the visit was over. I guess the aunt was pretty mean to Ms. B. I have to say, C really cares about Ms. B and did not like this at all. This goes to show how much changing doctors at this point would adversly affect her. I just don't like the idea at all... I guess we will be discussing it as a group shortly.

Sunday

Well, I was invited to a Cardinals football game with my dad on Sunday. FUN! I was super excited. Of course C knew I was going to be gone most of the day because of this and woke up in rare form. She was so antagonistic. She was trying to get the babies to fight with her, and us. It was really, really ugly. On the way to church I had to pull over the car to quiet her in the car and get her to hold her tongue for the rest of the drive.

We checked her into 6th grade classes and told her she would stay for both services since Dad would be teaching the 4 year old class without me and that he could not worry about her behavior and the 10 little kids. She was sad and wiped tears from her eyes while declaring "I don't care." Yeah right!

Anyway, Dad and I sat in first service and it was SUPER powerful. We felt really moved by the message of grace and I decided that Dad and I should go and pay C a visit and pull her out of 2nd hour to help with the kids she has grown to look forward to caring for. I sat her down and she was all sorts of moody... I told her that I simply loved her too much to let her ruin the day for herself. I gave her a crooked grin and she slowly grinned back. Silence. Finally she squeeked out an ," I love you, too?" As if to ask if that was the right thing to say. Dad told her it was a start. I assured her that her start to the day was not ok and needed to stop... from that point on, she did GREAT! I gave her a huge hug goodbye and Daddy spent the rest of the day with her and the tots and she was the normal, C that we love so much.

Adoption/ Visits

Yesterday, I filled in a calendar that Mrs. D gave us. I put all of C's appointments and such for December on the calendar and left it on the counter for her when she got home from school. C began looking at it as she pulled her homework out of the backpack. When she got to the family visit next Monday, she began to cry. "I don't want to go on a MOnday. It will mean I have more homework." She stomped to her seat at the table with her spelling work in hand.

I got down on the floor to where I was knelt below her and looked up toward her head hung eyes. "C, I am not the one you need to tell this to. Who do you need to tell this to??" She knew the answer. "Ms. B." I told her that there was no such thing as a good day for these visits. I know that C would complain if we did it on Friday or Sat (Sat is NOT an option for J and I. It is our only day without a commitment and we need that day.) it would be that there is no time for family or the like. She hates that it is an interruption in her life. Last visit she did homework until 7 and I stopped her knowing she had emotions to deal with and we snuggled and talked but the homework got pushed off and she spent the next day working right up until bed time. Anyway, her complaint was about family time as much as it was about homework. Just like with Mrs. D's time, she doesn't understand that there isn't a way to "trade" the time for homework. That both have to be done.

Anyway, she was angry about it. She still is.

Then, last night, I was praying before putting the tots down and today is the first bio family visit for my girls in a year. We prayed for God's hand of protection to be on my girls and when it was all done, C asked about their case plan. I informed her that the courts have said that if the dad is not fully compliant (which he never has been), that the girls are supposed to be severed and adopted in 90 days. Tribal courts are much different that CPS for those of you that are confused by this statement. Anyway, she got all excited and said, "Great! Then we can have our adoption party for all three of us. WOuldn't that be fun?"

I told her that adoption was always in God's timing. That God knows what is best for us and that is why C is here. That if she is to be adopted, God will know the perfect time. That answer was not good enough. "Do you think that if I told my aunt that I wanted to stay here and that I am happy, she would let me be adopted?" I told her that I thought she needs to talk with her aunt and Ms. B honestly about not what she just wants, but what she has grown to understand and what is best for her. "When can I tell her?" I told her to talk with Mrs. B but at one of these visits would be the best time. I didn't know what to say... she sees a time line for the other girls and it kills her that there is no time line for her. She just KNOWS that it is going to happen and that it needs to happen SOON. She WILL NOT hear otherwise. I think she has this survival skill of believing what she needs to believe to get through.... and there is no hearing otherwise. Anyway, Ms. B she asked if she could call you or email you today to talk about these visits and about her telling her aunt to let her be adopted. I can't believe that she has this courage already. I am shocked...

WE did a science project together last night until 7 and will be working on it again until 7 tonight but if you are able to visit her at school this week or call, I know she is wanting to talk to you. She is going to be sad to hear that you can't make the visits go away or make the aunt stop pursuing her... I don't know if she will here this from you any more than she hears it from me but I know that we have given you and the GA Mr. M all the power before the courts and she is wanting to exercise your "magical powers".

I can not tell you how much maturing she has done in the last month or so... I am SO PROUD of her. I really am.

Mrs. D Came

Well, yesterday Mrs. D came for a visit. In an attempt to not have C doing homework at 7 at night, Mrs. D wanted C to get some of it done before she allowed the finishing of the game Sorry that the girls had played last time. I appreciated this, but C did not.

Let's just say that Mrs. D was here for 1.5 hours and not one homework assignment got done. THere was complaining about school, weekend activities, life in general, etc, etc and all the while Mrs. D tried to tell her how important school was, how she needed to be grateful for the things we do as a family and for C around here, and how her attitude was what would determine whether things were boring or not. This took place the whole 1.5 hours while a problem of math or writing would get done every 15 minutes or so in between.

When Mrs. D left we immediately sat down to dinner. Dad could tell that both C and I were way off our normal, smiley selves. I told him we would discuss it later but even the babies caught the nasty mood in the house.

After dinner, C came to me and wrapped her arms around my waste. She appologized. I told her that we needed to talk and took her by the hand, willingly, up to her room. I was so disappointed at her conduct that my eyes were filled with tears. C told me that she was upset because Mrs. D and her don't play any more. She aired concerns about being pulled out of class and having more homework or taking work in with Mrs. D but then not getting to play. She doesn't understand that whether Mrs. D is here or not, she can't have it both ways. I will be discussing this further with Mrs. D and C. C admitted that her disappointment got misdirected and was not handled appropriately. She was sorry.

My bigger concern was that in her pouty state, she really did behave poorly toward me and toward her brother. I told her how family sticks together and how when she complained about her weekend (we had seen Christmas lights, gone to church, had a friend spend the night, and gone to her other friend's sign language party all in 2 days) being boring, how it made me feel like all the efforts I made were not appreciated and how it didn't make me want to go out of my way to do it again. It also made me feel sad that she would say these things to another person rather than bringing any possible concerns to me first. She and I were both crying and she felt really bad. She has since gone out of her way to show me that she does appreciate my efforts to do things for her and is working very hard to help around the house (with dinner last night) and to say please and thank you.

I do think going forward that if C begins pouting that way, Mrs. D and I just require her to take a break and start over. Debating or lecturing doesn't work because she isn't doing it with legitimate complaints. She is doing it to send a message of "I am not happy because you are not doing what I want." And until the real message is received and addressed, no further progress can be made. It just digresses.

Grandma

Well, on Thanksgiving, Grandma had called to speak with C. She was in bed at the time that the call came in but we didn't want C to feel kept from her so took the phone in for a brief chat. C said she would call the next day, and she did. The answering maching picked up and said that the battery on the phone was dead and that she would charge it and return her calls the following day... We have not heard from her. I asked C the following day if she wanted to call Grandma and she said that she left a message and was waiting for an inbound call. I think it was a sort of test to see if Grandma would call... Grandma failed.

I asked her at breakfast today if she wanted to call Grandma and she said that she did. I guess she knows at this point that Grandma is not returning her call. I do want to get a date on the calendar for them to get together for Christmas. C is going to make Chex Mix for her bio family in cute Christmas tins so I want to be sure that the opportunity to give that to her and get a hug is there. Of course, the problem is, C still hasn't gotten the birthday present that Grandma was making for her (since before she came into care) and C has started to realize that she is likely not getting this infamous shelf from Grandma after all. Last we called Grandma, C asked if Grandma could draw her a picture for her room (you can tell that she just wants a tangable something from Grandma since she isn't getting the shelf) and Grandma agreed but I place money that Grandma doesn't do that either.

Grandma and C love each other, there is no doubt. But Grandma unintentionally hurts C by not reaching out. Grandma had complained to C on the phone last talk ( the one I had to take the phone away due to inappropriate topics and counsel the aunt on what not to talk about) that C doesn't call much and had guilted her about it... and C's response was "You have my number. You can call me." This last test showed C that C was right- the problem isn't in the outbound calls. Not to mention, which one is the adult here?

Good news is that C isn't overly bothered by it. I think it is the same message that she has received off and on for years from Grandma so in some ways, she is used to it. Yet I know that it is still disappointing for her.

The dance

I wish I could post pictures. She looked so amazing and she felt like a real princess. She could be found spinning around so her dress would fly outward. Not an ounce of grace, but a smile that couldn't be tamed. She was so super happy and excited.

Daddy got her a corsage and she loved it. He opened the car door for her and drove off. His concerns were that she would just stand along the wall and not want to dance for 2 hours but he was so wrong in that. She found a friend upon arrival that invited her out to the dance floor, Dads in hand, they went. She bounced from group of friends to group and back out the dance floor for the whole 2 hours and had nothing but wonderful things to report about it. Daddy took pictures on his phone and of course, camera crazy mom took a few before she left.

Tonight C has a friend over. Her friend from church. Dad made the observation that at the dance C never really stuck with any one friend for any period of time. She literally bounced superficially. The comment that the teachers make about everyone loves her seems to be true but actually befriending people is really hard. Case in point, tonight her friend from church is over to stay the night. She plopped herself down on the couch once we got home from picking the friend up and began to turn to Disney Channel. I told her that she needed to play iwth her friend since she had a special chance to do that. She honestly can't figure out what to do with her... she doesn't know how to engage with a friend. HONESTLY. She took her to her room and then played on my old phone, leaving nothing for her friend to do. This has happened several times tonight and Daddy just turned Rock Band on the tv and they are now doing that together. I don't think she knows that she isn't engaging either. She is content to do not connect... they don't chit chat, play games, etc. They have to be stimulated by something else and then they do fine. This is not normal or good... any suggestions here or will it work out with time??

Doing GREAT...

Well, we have had a few really good weeks under our belt at this point. I can tell that C is really feel safe and happy here and because she is in a stable and loving environment, she is learning to be more stable in her behaviors and emotions. There have been many incidents of late that normally would have resulted in a tantrum- BUT NOPE!! Good girl.

Tonight is a father/daughter dance at school. She really wanted to go and Daddy liked the idea, too. I do think it will be good for them. They have been wrestling lately and I can tell that she is more attached to him lately as she is contantly asking where he is or where he is going if he is not in the room with her. Anyway, $20 for the dance. $45 for the shoes and dress and corsage (Sp?) and they are officially going to the dance tonight. She wants me to put her hair up all fancy for her. She will be quite a vision.

The things we are having issues with at this point are-

-whining. Yup, she really does whine. Atleast once a day. Almost always in the morning or anytime she doesn't get what she wants. I point it out to her as subtly as possible but the behavior is not going away.

-babysitter. She is like our babysitter. She has to know where we (me and Daddy) are at all times and before we can go upstairs (like right now to type) she wants to know where I am going and what I am doing. I can be leaving to use the bathroom and I "have to report in".

-being too busy. She wants to do so much but above most things is just having down time with me and Daddy. We have had VERY little time for this, yet she doesn't want to miss out on her Wed night church or things like this dance. She hates visits because they cause a back up in homework and take away any chance of down time with us for a few days after the fact.

-etiquette. She has none. We are slowly working on it but the girl doesn't even sit right at the table (One leg up with the foot on the chair and full crotch view. It isn't nice.) There are no table manners at all. I have volunteered to host an etiquette class for her and her friends this summer with the "prize" of getting to all go out to a fancy dinner together. That is a long way off and I am trying to work on one little thing at a time and keep it a postive that is received well.

-needing her permission. She fully expects that if I want to go visit my mom one night or do something without her like make my family Christmas gifts, that she should be invited and that I need her permission to do it. I don't allow this, obviously, but she just doesn't understand why her expectations can't be met her and why that kind of thinking is wrong.

This are not big things, really, but with it all being so constant, it can be quite exhausting. She is doing REALLY well right now and I no longer feel like I am living on egg shells. I can tell her "no" without expecting a complete break down. This is really nice and allows me to enjoy her company a lot more.

I am planning a trip to an orphanage in Africa next summer that I ministered to this past summer. C REALLY wants to come. I explained that as a ward of the state, she can not leave the country... she told me she would be adopted by then. We discussed this as being something to pray for but that there were no guarantees of adoption, let alone on that time frame. It is still something she is shooting for. Today she told me that any money she gets for Christmas she can put in her bank for her trip to Africa. We talked about why God opens and closes certain doors and that we can pray for it to happen... but the only way I think that could happen is if her aunt stopped pursuing reunification, right?? There is no way to get her a passport if she is not adopted, corrected? Even for missions work?? Anyway, she is still of the mindset that no matter what, she is staying here. I love it so much on one hand, and then I fear how FAR that FALL would be if it didn't work out, and it scares me to death.