Grandma

Well, on Thanksgiving, Grandma had called to speak with C. She was in bed at the time that the call came in but we didn't want C to feel kept from her so took the phone in for a brief chat. C said she would call the next day, and she did. The answering maching picked up and said that the battery on the phone was dead and that she would charge it and return her calls the following day... We have not heard from her. I asked C the following day if she wanted to call Grandma and she said that she left a message and was waiting for an inbound call. I think it was a sort of test to see if Grandma would call... Grandma failed.

I asked her at breakfast today if she wanted to call Grandma and she said that she did. I guess she knows at this point that Grandma is not returning her call. I do want to get a date on the calendar for them to get together for Christmas. C is going to make Chex Mix for her bio family in cute Christmas tins so I want to be sure that the opportunity to give that to her and get a hug is there. Of course, the problem is, C still hasn't gotten the birthday present that Grandma was making for her (since before she came into care) and C has started to realize that she is likely not getting this infamous shelf from Grandma after all. Last we called Grandma, C asked if Grandma could draw her a picture for her room (you can tell that she just wants a tangable something from Grandma since she isn't getting the shelf) and Grandma agreed but I place money that Grandma doesn't do that either.

Grandma and C love each other, there is no doubt. But Grandma unintentionally hurts C by not reaching out. Grandma had complained to C on the phone last talk ( the one I had to take the phone away due to inappropriate topics and counsel the aunt on what not to talk about) that C doesn't call much and had guilted her about it... and C's response was "You have my number. You can call me." This last test showed C that C was right- the problem isn't in the outbound calls. Not to mention, which one is the adult here?

Good news is that C isn't overly bothered by it. I think it is the same message that she has received off and on for years from Grandma so in some ways, she is used to it. Yet I know that it is still disappointing for her.