Mrs. D Came

Well, yesterday Mrs. D came for a visit. In an attempt to not have C doing homework at 7 at night, Mrs. D wanted C to get some of it done before she allowed the finishing of the game Sorry that the girls had played last time. I appreciated this, but C did not.

Let's just say that Mrs. D was here for 1.5 hours and not one homework assignment got done. THere was complaining about school, weekend activities, life in general, etc, etc and all the while Mrs. D tried to tell her how important school was, how she needed to be grateful for the things we do as a family and for C around here, and how her attitude was what would determine whether things were boring or not. This took place the whole 1.5 hours while a problem of math or writing would get done every 15 minutes or so in between.

When Mrs. D left we immediately sat down to dinner. Dad could tell that both C and I were way off our normal, smiley selves. I told him we would discuss it later but even the babies caught the nasty mood in the house.

After dinner, C came to me and wrapped her arms around my waste. She appologized. I told her that we needed to talk and took her by the hand, willingly, up to her room. I was so disappointed at her conduct that my eyes were filled with tears. C told me that she was upset because Mrs. D and her don't play any more. She aired concerns about being pulled out of class and having more homework or taking work in with Mrs. D but then not getting to play. She doesn't understand that whether Mrs. D is here or not, she can't have it both ways. I will be discussing this further with Mrs. D and C. C admitted that her disappointment got misdirected and was not handled appropriately. She was sorry.

My bigger concern was that in her pouty state, she really did behave poorly toward me and toward her brother. I told her how family sticks together and how when she complained about her weekend (we had seen Christmas lights, gone to church, had a friend spend the night, and gone to her other friend's sign language party all in 2 days) being boring, how it made me feel like all the efforts I made were not appreciated and how it didn't make me want to go out of my way to do it again. It also made me feel sad that she would say these things to another person rather than bringing any possible concerns to me first. She and I were both crying and she felt really bad. She has since gone out of her way to show me that she does appreciate my efforts to do things for her and is working very hard to help around the house (with dinner last night) and to say please and thank you.

I do think going forward that if C begins pouting that way, Mrs. D and I just require her to take a break and start over. Debating or lecturing doesn't work because she isn't doing it with legitimate complaints. She is doing it to send a message of "I am not happy because you are not doing what I want." And until the real message is received and addressed, no further progress can be made. It just digresses.