Well, we got a call from the school principal today. Turns out that C had an incident a few days prior at school with some friends. She wasn't the perpetrator, rather the accompliss and instigator. She and a friend encouraged a boy to go and be with a girl that he liked, full well knowing the girl didn't like him. What is especially sad about this is that the girl that was victimized in this was one of C's best friends prior to this and yet she did this to her. No wonder no one showed up to her birthday party.
C said that when she did the instigating, she didn't realize that it would hurt the friend to the extent that it did. And yet after this, later that night at her church group, she did the same sort of behavior with her best friend from church.
Lastly, she didn't tell us about the incident. We heard it 2 days later from the school principal. WOW. That was not the mature decision either.
We talked with C at length about how we need to be able to see how people will be affected by our actions. She didn't want to admit to her responsibility in the situation. She also was put off by the fact that we were working to make her understand. She didn't get the gravity of the situation. We also talked about how liking boys is an intimate and private thing. It is a sensitive thing, or atleast should be. At the Wed night group, she is inappropriate in her engagements with the boys she likes. We talked about this as well.
At the end of our talk, we told her that being disciplined at school results in restriction at home. WOW did she lose it. We opted to hold off on her restrictions until Sat since there is Halloween but she FREAKED on us. Calling us mean and destroying a radio.
That evening she was with her grandma due to Dad and my's date night. We felt if we cancelled that she would be encouraged to miss-behave since she always acts out to one extent or the other to try and keep us home on date night. Anyway, poor grandma got it BAD last night. She was totally rude and inappropriate. Refused to do her homework, was fake crying, telling her what to do. Fortunately, I have talked with grandma at length about how to deal with this from her. Grandma did real good and half way through the night, C appologized and went on to have a good evening. Grandma was really bothered by the extent that her behavior went to this time. I will have to address it with C because though Grandma did well, she can not feel that there are no consequences for such behavior.
As most of you know, we got another email from school that C is not in control of her ADD at this point. She is a loose goose at the desk, constantly twitching and today was reported to not even be walking normally. I do see these same behaviors at home. We have an appointment on Monday to get her meds adjusted.
I meet the new case manager on Halloween. I meet with the school on Halloween.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Medical Update
Well, I left a note for Dr. P yesterday and didn't hear from him today. I told him that we really needed to evaluate a higher dose of the concerta. Though I didn't hear from him, I did hear from the school that C goes to and they are commenting that she is still twitching a lot. I know this is true. She has very little control of her body, but it just seems like more than ADHD to me. NOt that I know a lot about the condition. She does have a hard time focusing, but this is actual muscular control. I didn't realize the two went together.
Anyway, good news is that the lady at Fry's was able to finally put the script through. I called the number that A gave me for teh reimbursement for the expenses to date, so FINALLY, no more out of pocket costs for C's meds! PRaise God!
Anyway, good news is that the lady at Fry's was able to finally put the script through. I called the number that A gave me for teh reimbursement for the expenses to date, so FINALLY, no more out of pocket costs for C's meds! PRaise God!
C family visit, Oct, 27
Well what a long day yesterday was. I knew it would be as soon as I had seen the email from B telling me that the appointment was set. She didn't seem too nervous about it as it approached, having found out about it after her party on Sunday.
I made it home from a Dr. appt just in time to pick up C and head to CPS. Well, we weren't supposed to be at CPS so running 5 minutes behind turned into 20 minutes behind, but we made it all the same. She was happy to see her siblings. I couldn't hear or see how it went but by her demeanor, I think it was relatively uneventful and she didn't end up with a headache or sick this time! Great news there.
Once the visit was over, we were driving to Mc Donald's to get a quick bite with the rest of our fam before heading home to homework. She had cried about how much homework she had while on the way to the visit, half nerves and half honest I assume, and was really upset that we wouldn't have family time for us after this day was done. Anyway, a quick bite at Mc D's and hopefully she could blow off some steam in the playcenter to help transitition her back to our world.
She was antagonistic the whole drive. She defended her bio brother sneaking a pet into the house. She was looking for a fight over absolutely nothing. I could see bottled emotions and she just wasn't ready to deal with them in a health way so I dodged the punches.
We ate. She played for 5 minutes and we headed home for school work. At the study table she mentioned how sad she was that she isn't being raised with her brother and sister any more. I could see the change in her as she spoke. I comforted her and directed her back to the mound of homework she was just beginning to tackle.
A quick shower later and into bed. I tried to bring up the conversation she started earlier. She does a lot of thinking in bed so knew she was already going there. She said that seeing her brother and sister made it harder. That she really missed them, especially A. She didn't seem to want to talk more so after story and kisses, we left the room.
Dad heard her crying. I went in... for 1.5 hours we talked as she SOBBED. She said how she was afraid that since she wasn't being raised with her bro and sis that they wouldn't feel as close to her and that when they were older, she feared they would chose to not spend time with her then. She said she was mean to them. She said that they never told eachother that they loved one another until she was removed. We talked about her faith in God. We talked about some good, honest goals to work on with Mrs. B... to speak on how she really feels about her bro and sis. It scares her to try and talk honest there because they NEVER did it. I told her she could teach them how by starting... we will see. Anyway, we talked about Grandma, bio mom, and of course, Uncle and Aunt. I asked her if she thought that maybe Uncle and Aunt (never now called Mom and Dad except to their faces) may learn to meet their needs better and then it might be best to live there and be with them and her bio sibs. She said NO- I will live with you and see my bro and sister. She has NO ROOM for this idea in her head and actually talks about living here as a fact. I think it gets her through the nights. Anyway, she purged. I listened and dried the tears. We prayed together...
And she woke up in a great mood today. You know she turns 12 today!!! 3 more gifts to open and then it is done for a whole nother year.
Thank you, Mrs. B for your support and for your understanding. I had a shoulder surgery last week and an appointment at 2 at that Biltmore area to have stitches removed so that is why we were late, not to mention the location change.
SCHOOL is not going well. I have an appointment with the teachers and psych this Friday to talk about a course of action. She is really struggling in every way.
I made it home from a Dr. appt just in time to pick up C and head to CPS. Well, we weren't supposed to be at CPS so running 5 minutes behind turned into 20 minutes behind, but we made it all the same. She was happy to see her siblings. I couldn't hear or see how it went but by her demeanor, I think it was relatively uneventful and she didn't end up with a headache or sick this time! Great news there.
Once the visit was over, we were driving to Mc Donald's to get a quick bite with the rest of our fam before heading home to homework. She had cried about how much homework she had while on the way to the visit, half nerves and half honest I assume, and was really upset that we wouldn't have family time for us after this day was done. Anyway, a quick bite at Mc D's and hopefully she could blow off some steam in the playcenter to help transitition her back to our world.
She was antagonistic the whole drive. She defended her bio brother sneaking a pet into the house. She was looking for a fight over absolutely nothing. I could see bottled emotions and she just wasn't ready to deal with them in a health way so I dodged the punches.
We ate. She played for 5 minutes and we headed home for school work. At the study table she mentioned how sad she was that she isn't being raised with her brother and sister any more. I could see the change in her as she spoke. I comforted her and directed her back to the mound of homework she was just beginning to tackle.
A quick shower later and into bed. I tried to bring up the conversation she started earlier. She does a lot of thinking in bed so knew she was already going there. She said that seeing her brother and sister made it harder. That she really missed them, especially A. She didn't seem to want to talk more so after story and kisses, we left the room.
Dad heard her crying. I went in... for 1.5 hours we talked as she SOBBED. She said how she was afraid that since she wasn't being raised with her bro and sis that they wouldn't feel as close to her and that when they were older, she feared they would chose to not spend time with her then. She said she was mean to them. She said that they never told eachother that they loved one another until she was removed. We talked about her faith in God. We talked about some good, honest goals to work on with Mrs. B... to speak on how she really feels about her bro and sis. It scares her to try and talk honest there because they NEVER did it. I told her she could teach them how by starting... we will see. Anyway, we talked about Grandma, bio mom, and of course, Uncle and Aunt. I asked her if she thought that maybe Uncle and Aunt (never now called Mom and Dad except to their faces) may learn to meet their needs better and then it might be best to live there and be with them and her bio sibs. She said NO- I will live with you and see my bro and sister. She has NO ROOM for this idea in her head and actually talks about living here as a fact. I think it gets her through the nights. Anyway, she purged. I listened and dried the tears. We prayed together...
And she woke up in a great mood today. You know she turns 12 today!!! 3 more gifts to open and then it is done for a whole nother year.
Thank you, Mrs. B for your support and for your understanding. I had a shoulder surgery last week and an appointment at 2 at that Biltmore area to have stitches removed so that is why we were late, not to mention the location change.
SCHOOL is not going well. I have an appointment with the teachers and psych this Friday to talk about a course of action. She is really struggling in every way.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sunday, Oct 26th, BIRTHDAY PARTY!
Well, Friday was a sad day, though C wouldn't describe it as that. She had sent out 12 invitations to her party, not including the verbal invite to her two "cousins" which were obviously coming. This was the day of her Friend Party, from 4 in the afternoon until 7 that night. I had no one RSVP except for two friends from church (good girls that I like a lot). C thought that more were coming though I tried to brace her that they may not be. One girl showed on time. The other came 30 minutes late, and then it was just C, her siblings, and her 2 cousins. C asked "is this all that is coming?" I assured her that it was and that it was JUST the right amount to have good fun. She did have fun, but the fun was covered in a subtle disappointment as well. It is so hard to be the new kid at school- to be a kid whose ADHD isn't managed yet, and to have such a history that she shares all too openly. So much to work on with her, to help her adjust... but for now, she sees how her friends from her Wed night group accept her without question and how they love her because of who she is, not dispite who she is. She is a GREAT YOUNG LADY. It is so sad that more people don't look into her to see it.
Anyway, enough of the sad party and on to the GREAT party she had today. It was all starting at 3 and her family showed up- meaning my family and J's family. Her "uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, etc" we all here for her. She was SPOILED with gifts and she was the classiest, most gracious birthday girl making this Mamma proud as she gratefully thanked each person as she opened the gifts. She ate, played Rock Band, made jewelry from a craft kit we got her and truly had a blast. Winding down for bed was running late due to all the excitement but the pre-bed chat went good.
I asked her if she had fun and she nodded with great excitement and said she had more fun at this party than the one with her friends. She was herself today, and had to fit in on Friday and it was obvious. She said she loved Rock Band and loved the gifts. She raved about the cake that Grandma had made her special to match her fancy napkins. We replayed the day in detail as I snuggled with her...
I told her about the visit with her bio sibs tomorrow. She nodded, not fully understanding what it meant. I didn't want to detail it out again- just told her she would get to see her brother and sister and she seemed unphased by it as I spoke. Who knows what she is thinking now that the lights are off and she is in bed. I am worried for her as to how it will go. She is expecting to sit and just visit with her sibs, not to hash out issues they have or have had. She misses them, especially her sister. She loves them. She is not expecting that they have hard feelings and she is thinking that they miss and love her, too... Could be hard to hear otherwise.
Anyway, since the big discipline we had, she is doing really great. She did stand firm over some yogurt today. She picks the silliest things to pull out her control card over... we worked it out and before dinner tonight, she ate it... but it was served for breakfast so I wouldn't say I was victorious but I was able to live with the compromises and for those compromises, I am grateful. I love this young lady and was SO PROUD of her today.
Anyway, enough of the sad party and on to the GREAT party she had today. It was all starting at 3 and her family showed up- meaning my family and J's family. Her "uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, etc" we all here for her. She was SPOILED with gifts and she was the classiest, most gracious birthday girl making this Mamma proud as she gratefully thanked each person as she opened the gifts. She ate, played Rock Band, made jewelry from a craft kit we got her and truly had a blast. Winding down for bed was running late due to all the excitement but the pre-bed chat went good.
I asked her if she had fun and she nodded with great excitement and said she had more fun at this party than the one with her friends. She was herself today, and had to fit in on Friday and it was obvious. She said she loved Rock Band and loved the gifts. She raved about the cake that Grandma had made her special to match her fancy napkins. We replayed the day in detail as I snuggled with her...
I told her about the visit with her bio sibs tomorrow. She nodded, not fully understanding what it meant. I didn't want to detail it out again- just told her she would get to see her brother and sister and she seemed unphased by it as I spoke. Who knows what she is thinking now that the lights are off and she is in bed. I am worried for her as to how it will go. She is expecting to sit and just visit with her sibs, not to hash out issues they have or have had. She misses them, especially her sister. She loves them. She is not expecting that they have hard feelings and she is thinking that they miss and love her, too... Could be hard to hear otherwise.
Anyway, since the big discipline we had, she is doing really great. She did stand firm over some yogurt today. She picks the silliest things to pull out her control card over... we worked it out and before dinner tonight, she ate it... but it was served for breakfast so I wouldn't say I was victorious but I was able to live with the compromises and for those compromises, I am grateful. I love this young lady and was SO PROUD of her today.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Monday, Oct 20
I met with the psychologist and team at school today. The meeting went well and the psychologist is looking to make a determination as early as Oct. 31st as to whether an IEP or 504 would be best for C. I have some forms to fill out and return and the teachers have further testing that they are required to do. They did say that they didn't have to do the full GEIT testing since the process was started at the other school but I know that no results were made or transferred so I want to insure that what ever direction the school proceeds in, is done with enough information to determine what is best. It all feels so casual.
Homework was interesting today. C took about 2 hours to do it but really did not focus on it. I think she could have done the modified assignments in less than an hour but chose to be distracted. Yes, I feel she did conciously choose to not focus. I even pointed it out to her and she said, I have nothing else that I need to do tonight. True, but why would she want to stay at that table for that long?? Perhaps because she can get my attention whenever she needs it while she is there? There is no such thing as too much attention from Mom. It really does drive behaviors. I feel like she is a bottomless pit at times that I just don't have enough to fill her up... no one does.
We had a good day. A great night! She is doing much better with sleeping. Those pills are good for her rest. She does need a higher dose of the ADHD meds if you ask me. She is less fidgety but still NEVER still. It is definately an improvement!
Tomorrow I have a shoulder surgery. It shouldn't be a real big deal but I will be in a sling in the coming weeks. Just as an FYI so you aren't shocked when you see me!
Homework was interesting today. C took about 2 hours to do it but really did not focus on it. I think she could have done the modified assignments in less than an hour but chose to be distracted. Yes, I feel she did conciously choose to not focus. I even pointed it out to her and she said, I have nothing else that I need to do tonight. True, but why would she want to stay at that table for that long?? Perhaps because she can get my attention whenever she needs it while she is there? There is no such thing as too much attention from Mom. It really does drive behaviors. I feel like she is a bottomless pit at times that I just don't have enough to fill her up... no one does.
We had a good day. A great night! She is doing much better with sleeping. Those pills are good for her rest. She does need a higher dose of the ADHD meds if you ask me. She is less fidgety but still NEVER still. It is definately an improvement!
Tomorrow I have a shoulder surgery. It shouldn't be a real big deal but I will be in a sling in the coming weeks. Just as an FYI so you aren't shocked when you see me!
Sunday, OCt 19
Well, we went to a wedding last night and C got invited to her cousins' house for a sleep over. That turned out to be a great thing since it was a distraction and it seemed more like she was leaving us than the other way around. J and I were able to go and stay out as late as we liked without the worry of her waiting up for us. It was really nice.
We met up with her at church and she helped work in our four year old class. The morning was uneventful and I really missed having down time to snuggle with her. Once we got home and ate we decided to snuggle together on the couch while the tots napped. We were both tired, but I was the only one that flirted with napping while on that couch!
We went out for Chinese for dinner. C had it in her head from the moment she saw that the restaurant was empty, that it would be no good. She was a pickle during dinner, but I assured her that there was no other food for dinner and that it was the same stuff as Panda Express which she liked.
Once she got home, it took some coaxing to get her to play in the yard, but it happened. We played "Keep Away" from Daddy and she worked up quite a sweat! It was really fun. Though homework was supposed to happen during nap time, we had both forgotten so she hit the books at this point. I was cutting the tots' hair while she did that and once she finished (there wasn't much, just vocab), she asked me to cut her hair. It looks SO CUTE! It is about shoulder length. Super cute! I didn't think she would trust me to cut her hair but she was excited to!
It was a fun, family day and C did really well today. That optimism that she had yesterday wasn't there, but her extreme negativity wasn't there either. It was A GOOD DAY! A GREAT WEEKEND!
We met up with her at church and she helped work in our four year old class. The morning was uneventful and I really missed having down time to snuggle with her. Once we got home and ate we decided to snuggle together on the couch while the tots napped. We were both tired, but I was the only one that flirted with napping while on that couch!
We went out for Chinese for dinner. C had it in her head from the moment she saw that the restaurant was empty, that it would be no good. She was a pickle during dinner, but I assured her that there was no other food for dinner and that it was the same stuff as Panda Express which she liked.
Once she got home, it took some coaxing to get her to play in the yard, but it happened. We played "Keep Away" from Daddy and she worked up quite a sweat! It was really fun. Though homework was supposed to happen during nap time, we had both forgotten so she hit the books at this point. I was cutting the tots' hair while she did that and once she finished (there wasn't much, just vocab), she asked me to cut her hair. It looks SO CUTE! It is about shoulder length. Super cute! I didn't think she would trust me to cut her hair but she was excited to!
It was a fun, family day and C did really well today. That optimism that she had yesterday wasn't there, but her extreme negativity wasn't there either. It was A GOOD DAY! A GREAT WEEKEND!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
New Day, A new WAY!
What a GREAT DAY we are having. We woke up to an appology note at the door of her bedroom and she has been fantastic today! Maybe some clear consequences was just what she needed! She is happy, optimistic, and still without tv privelages. That is truly great and we are praising God for C's willingness to move beyond the power struggle!! YIPPPPPEEEEEE!!!! That was a HARD night and a few hard weeks leading up to it, but atleast for now, we have got our girl back!!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Oct 17, Friday
Well, I have decided to keep an confidential journal for everyone associated with C's case. I will check tomorrow to make sure this is ok, but I find that I am wanting to keep all the therapists and workers informed of the new behaviors that we are having in our home and I don't want to bog down their IN boxes. So here it is and hope I can keep it. Not to mention that it may be slightly therapeutic for me, as well!
Tonight was exactly what I thought I would get when we signed up to get an older foster child. The last week has been, actually. The first many weeks, about 8 to be exact, were so great that I had hoped we would never get to these behaviors. And yet, here we are. ( I am realizing that typing at night is going to lead to many typos, so I appologize in advance.)
So today was another day that she was just plain miserable. "Tired and bored" from having a half day with "nothing to do" but yet when offered something, she didn't want to do any of it. She chose to sit in front of the tv while I conducted my DDD appointments and the monthly agency appointments that are required. It has become quite apparent that any time she C is not the center of everyone's attention, she is miserable. And even then, if it isn't the way she wants it and on her terms, she is just plain moody and has a bad attitude.
We started the new ADHD meds today. They helped tremendously but I do think a slightly higher dose would do better. Later in the day she about fidgetted me right off the hammock. She is still squirmy, but not like it was. I had no idea that it could be THAT intense. And the odd part was, she honestly didn't think she was fidgetting. Shocking. Anyway, we are moving in the right direction there.
So I made a dinner she had requested. She reluctantly came to dinner (normal at this point) and opted not to put fruit salad on her plate or the bread. I put a very small spoonful on it for her and brought her the bread. She wanted "nothing (with an attitude)" to drink, only because I have asked her to try and drink more since her lips are so dry and she gets chronic headaches. The doctor was the one that advised this so in an effort to control, she doesn't want to drink, of course. Anyway, she was trying to completely disconnect from being with us at dinner so we shut of the tv. She didn't freak on us which was a shock, but obviously was less than thrilled.
She asked to be excused after rapid fire eating. I reminded her that she would need to take a bite of bread and try the fruit if she wanted to get any of the candy that D brought us earlier in the day. She said she didn't care (YEAH RIGHT!) so I excused her. She went outside.
After we finished up eating I joined her in the hammock and had Dad lock the door so that we could be alone. I joined her in the hammock and she seemed to perk up. Again, she loves to be the center of my world. I told her she was so close to get 2 of those fabulous candies, only one bite of fruit away... She informed me that she didn't like it. I told her that there was banana in it with yogurt on top and reminded her she chose to dip her banana in her yogurt (same flavor) yesterday... so it was the same thing. She asked if the babies got candy and I informed her that all but Lexi had finished and they were.
I went on to discuss how negative she has been and that I didn't understand. She just denied being negative. I asked her why she doesn't want to have fun with us and hang out (she told me that she didn't want family time tonight) and she said that she just wanted to watch tv. I reminded her that she was bored of tv... She asked why the babies weren't out with us. I told her that I feel like I can not win- if the babies aren't out, she wants them out. If they are, she finds them annoying. She then states that she didn't really want them out, she wanted them to come out so she could go in and watch tv. I told her that all I want is for her to be happy and make the good choices.
Anyway, I didn't lead on that I was frustrated, but went in to bring out the rest of the family. I told her that we were having family time tonight. That we missed her and that we needed to play together. The kids and Daddy joined us outside and it was ok. I pushed the little one's on the swing as C dug up parts of the yard, hoping she was doing something that we would find inappropriate and tell her to stop. We allowed it. She broke the shovel.
Daddy had to make a phone call and I got the idea to go in the front yard and let the little ones ride trikes so Celia and I could play soccer. The behaviorist recommended getting her to sweat after dinner before starting a night time routine. She asked why we were going in, again, only to be contradictory. I told her we were going in the front yard. All tots adn I were out the door and she stalled in every way possible... chosing to comb her hair for no real reason and make it known that she wasn't a willing participant.
We are out front and she is messing with the kids bikes. I get out the soccer ball and in a fun way, taunt her into a soccer challenge of keep away. She bites. So first she has to get it from me. She was laughing and smiling. Then I have to get it from her... and I do as she kicks it hard and it was just a race at that point. Still laughing and smiling and I was about to praise Jesus for this fun game when she decides to go get her drink. She does not return.
Dad comes out after his call and I ask him to get C from inside. Told him she is justing pulling out the power card. He gets her to come out but she wants to sit on the porch. I tell her she needs to come play with the family. She refuses. I warn her that if she chooses not to participate, there will be a consequence. We don't have our coins set up yet, so I am rattling my brain to come up with something quick. I tell her I will count to five and if she does not come participate, then she is choosing a consequence. She doesn't come so I tell her no tv tomorrow. She is mad! She said I was coming to participate. At this point, I didn't feel I could allow any further control. I told her that the consequence wasn't instead of playing, that she needed to do as she was asked. She still refused, so I led her into the house and calmly (as if I wasn't phased by the whole thing) asked her to go and shower.
So from here it got pretty ugly. She started mouthing about not wanting to and that it was only 6:30 so why did she have to. I entertained her question, telling her that as I had told her in the morning, that she was going to be early (8 instead of 8:30) because she made no effort to sleep last night and needed to get her body caught up on the sleep. "THAT ISN"T WHY" she said. I calmly assured her that it was and that at this point, everyone was coming in for baths. She SLAMMED the bathroom door. I opened it, asked her to close it like the big girl that she was because she has been doing this slamming and I needed to see that she was capable of doing it the right way. I counted the five times she closed it correctly and left as she crumbled onto the floor in angry tears. She was to take her shower and join us for lotion time and stories and prayers, etc as we do every night. I went downstairs to help Dad bring in the tots and when I returned to begin bathing my older boy, she was locked in her room and crying on her bed. I sent my son on his way to begin the bath water and talked with C.
I reassured C that I loved her. I told her how much I wanted her to make a better choice. I told her that I wanted to do lotion time and story time and enjoy her company tonight but that in order to do that, she would need to take a bath. She told me she wasn't interested. I told her that I was going to get my son's water started and that when I got back, I would hope that she would be taking a shower and that if she didn't, she would be making a choice of another consequence. Of course, I stalled, and came back and she was in her bed, no longer crying.
I gave her one last chance to go and take a bath. Then I told her that I could see she was ready for bed and that she didn't want to bathe. I told her I would get her sleeping pill and water and return. She was there when I returned. I asked her twice to take her medication, and she refused. I told her I loved her and that I hoped she would make better decisions going forward and left.
Dad went in once the other 2 tots were bathed and gave her a hug which at first she refused to give him. He asked her for eye contact and then told her how much we both love her and that it is because we love her that we have to have rules and ask her to obey us. He reminded her that tomorrow was a new day and that tomorrow is going to be a great day. She said it would not. He said that was her choice and that if she chose to obey that it would be a great day of fun, and if not, then it wouldn't be. But it was up to her. Of course, she likes to be in control and try to punish us with her attitudes and behaviors so I am sure that until this power struggle clearly has us in control and her as the submissive, there will not be many fun days for any of us though we are trying to not let her negative attitude direct the attitude of the home.
He said goodnight. She is kicking the wall to try and get us in her room to tell her to stop. She is making clicking noises... refused her sleeping meds (did I say that already) and we have decided to ignore any and all behaviors for the rest of the night. We don't want to give her any more power. The only other option would be to take everything out of her room and then she would just clap her hands or something like that in an attempt to disobey. She wants to disobey. But why? Control? Isn't it more fun to be good and do fun things?? It was at first. But not any more. It is like she WANTS to be miserable and bring us all down.
Anyway, I am sure there will be more tomorrow. We are supposed to go to a wedding tomorrow in which J is standing in it, and if I don't go, she wins again. If I do go, my poor Mom will have to deal with her. YIKES! Fun, right? She hates it when we leave. She is so afraid of being abandoned.
We are loving her through it. We pray for supernatural wisdom... and great instinct because no matter how many "tools" we are given, the situation is always changing.
Tonight was exactly what I thought I would get when we signed up to get an older foster child. The last week has been, actually. The first many weeks, about 8 to be exact, were so great that I had hoped we would never get to these behaviors. And yet, here we are. ( I am realizing that typing at night is going to lead to many typos, so I appologize in advance.)
So today was another day that she was just plain miserable. "Tired and bored" from having a half day with "nothing to do" but yet when offered something, she didn't want to do any of it. She chose to sit in front of the tv while I conducted my DDD appointments and the monthly agency appointments that are required. It has become quite apparent that any time she C is not the center of everyone's attention, she is miserable. And even then, if it isn't the way she wants it and on her terms, she is just plain moody and has a bad attitude.
We started the new ADHD meds today. They helped tremendously but I do think a slightly higher dose would do better. Later in the day she about fidgetted me right off the hammock. She is still squirmy, but not like it was. I had no idea that it could be THAT intense. And the odd part was, she honestly didn't think she was fidgetting. Shocking. Anyway, we are moving in the right direction there.
So I made a dinner she had requested. She reluctantly came to dinner (normal at this point) and opted not to put fruit salad on her plate or the bread. I put a very small spoonful on it for her and brought her the bread. She wanted "nothing (with an attitude)" to drink, only because I have asked her to try and drink more since her lips are so dry and she gets chronic headaches. The doctor was the one that advised this so in an effort to control, she doesn't want to drink, of course. Anyway, she was trying to completely disconnect from being with us at dinner so we shut of the tv. She didn't freak on us which was a shock, but obviously was less than thrilled.
She asked to be excused after rapid fire eating. I reminded her that she would need to take a bite of bread and try the fruit if she wanted to get any of the candy that D brought us earlier in the day. She said she didn't care (YEAH RIGHT!) so I excused her. She went outside.
After we finished up eating I joined her in the hammock and had Dad lock the door so that we could be alone. I joined her in the hammock and she seemed to perk up. Again, she loves to be the center of my world. I told her she was so close to get 2 of those fabulous candies, only one bite of fruit away... She informed me that she didn't like it. I told her that there was banana in it with yogurt on top and reminded her she chose to dip her banana in her yogurt (same flavor) yesterday... so it was the same thing. She asked if the babies got candy and I informed her that all but Lexi had finished and they were.
I went on to discuss how negative she has been and that I didn't understand. She just denied being negative. I asked her why she doesn't want to have fun with us and hang out (she told me that she didn't want family time tonight) and she said that she just wanted to watch tv. I reminded her that she was bored of tv... She asked why the babies weren't out with us. I told her that I feel like I can not win- if the babies aren't out, she wants them out. If they are, she finds them annoying. She then states that she didn't really want them out, she wanted them to come out so she could go in and watch tv. I told her that all I want is for her to be happy and make the good choices.
Anyway, I didn't lead on that I was frustrated, but went in to bring out the rest of the family. I told her that we were having family time tonight. That we missed her and that we needed to play together. The kids and Daddy joined us outside and it was ok. I pushed the little one's on the swing as C dug up parts of the yard, hoping she was doing something that we would find inappropriate and tell her to stop. We allowed it. She broke the shovel.
Daddy had to make a phone call and I got the idea to go in the front yard and let the little ones ride trikes so Celia and I could play soccer. The behaviorist recommended getting her to sweat after dinner before starting a night time routine. She asked why we were going in, again, only to be contradictory. I told her we were going in the front yard. All tots adn I were out the door and she stalled in every way possible... chosing to comb her hair for no real reason and make it known that she wasn't a willing participant.
We are out front and she is messing with the kids bikes. I get out the soccer ball and in a fun way, taunt her into a soccer challenge of keep away. She bites. So first she has to get it from me. She was laughing and smiling. Then I have to get it from her... and I do as she kicks it hard and it was just a race at that point. Still laughing and smiling and I was about to praise Jesus for this fun game when she decides to go get her drink. She does not return.
Dad comes out after his call and I ask him to get C from inside. Told him she is justing pulling out the power card. He gets her to come out but she wants to sit on the porch. I tell her she needs to come play with the family. She refuses. I warn her that if she chooses not to participate, there will be a consequence. We don't have our coins set up yet, so I am rattling my brain to come up with something quick. I tell her I will count to five and if she does not come participate, then she is choosing a consequence. She doesn't come so I tell her no tv tomorrow. She is mad! She said I was coming to participate. At this point, I didn't feel I could allow any further control. I told her that the consequence wasn't instead of playing, that she needed to do as she was asked. She still refused, so I led her into the house and calmly (as if I wasn't phased by the whole thing) asked her to go and shower.
So from here it got pretty ugly. She started mouthing about not wanting to and that it was only 6:30 so why did she have to. I entertained her question, telling her that as I had told her in the morning, that she was going to be early (8 instead of 8:30) because she made no effort to sleep last night and needed to get her body caught up on the sleep. "THAT ISN"T WHY" she said. I calmly assured her that it was and that at this point, everyone was coming in for baths. She SLAMMED the bathroom door. I opened it, asked her to close it like the big girl that she was because she has been doing this slamming and I needed to see that she was capable of doing it the right way. I counted the five times she closed it correctly and left as she crumbled onto the floor in angry tears. She was to take her shower and join us for lotion time and stories and prayers, etc as we do every night. I went downstairs to help Dad bring in the tots and when I returned to begin bathing my older boy, she was locked in her room and crying on her bed. I sent my son on his way to begin the bath water and talked with C.
I reassured C that I loved her. I told her how much I wanted her to make a better choice. I told her that I wanted to do lotion time and story time and enjoy her company tonight but that in order to do that, she would need to take a bath. She told me she wasn't interested. I told her that I was going to get my son's water started and that when I got back, I would hope that she would be taking a shower and that if she didn't, she would be making a choice of another consequence. Of course, I stalled, and came back and she was in her bed, no longer crying.
I gave her one last chance to go and take a bath. Then I told her that I could see she was ready for bed and that she didn't want to bathe. I told her I would get her sleeping pill and water and return. She was there when I returned. I asked her twice to take her medication, and she refused. I told her I loved her and that I hoped she would make better decisions going forward and left.
Dad went in once the other 2 tots were bathed and gave her a hug which at first she refused to give him. He asked her for eye contact and then told her how much we both love her and that it is because we love her that we have to have rules and ask her to obey us. He reminded her that tomorrow was a new day and that tomorrow is going to be a great day. She said it would not. He said that was her choice and that if she chose to obey that it would be a great day of fun, and if not, then it wouldn't be. But it was up to her. Of course, she likes to be in control and try to punish us with her attitudes and behaviors so I am sure that until this power struggle clearly has us in control and her as the submissive, there will not be many fun days for any of us though we are trying to not let her negative attitude direct the attitude of the home.
He said goodnight. She is kicking the wall to try and get us in her room to tell her to stop. She is making clicking noises... refused her sleeping meds (did I say that already) and we have decided to ignore any and all behaviors for the rest of the night. We don't want to give her any more power. The only other option would be to take everything out of her room and then she would just clap her hands or something like that in an attempt to disobey. She wants to disobey. But why? Control? Isn't it more fun to be good and do fun things?? It was at first. But not any more. It is like she WANTS to be miserable and bring us all down.
Anyway, I am sure there will be more tomorrow. We are supposed to go to a wedding tomorrow in which J is standing in it, and if I don't go, she wins again. If I do go, my poor Mom will have to deal with her. YIKES! Fun, right? She hates it when we leave. She is so afraid of being abandoned.
We are loving her through it. We pray for supernatural wisdom... and great instinct because no matter how many "tools" we are given, the situation is always changing.
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