Well, I have decided to keep an confidential journal for everyone associated with C's case. I will check tomorrow to make sure this is ok, but I find that I am wanting to keep all the therapists and workers informed of the new behaviors that we are having in our home and I don't want to bog down their IN boxes. So here it is and hope I can keep it. Not to mention that it may be slightly therapeutic for me, as well!
Tonight was exactly what I thought I would get when we signed up to get an older foster child. The last week has been, actually. The first many weeks, about 8 to be exact, were so great that I had hoped we would never get to these behaviors. And yet, here we are. ( I am realizing that typing at night is going to lead to many typos, so I appologize in advance.)
So today was another day that she was just plain miserable. "Tired and bored" from having a half day with "nothing to do" but yet when offered something, she didn't want to do any of it. She chose to sit in front of the tv while I conducted my DDD appointments and the monthly agency appointments that are required. It has become quite apparent that any time she C is not the center of everyone's attention, she is miserable. And even then, if it isn't the way she wants it and on her terms, she is just plain moody and has a bad attitude.
We started the new ADHD meds today. They helped tremendously but I do think a slightly higher dose would do better. Later in the day she about fidgetted me right off the hammock. She is still squirmy, but not like it was. I had no idea that it could be THAT intense. And the odd part was, she honestly didn't think she was fidgetting. Shocking. Anyway, we are moving in the right direction there.
So I made a dinner she had requested. She reluctantly came to dinner (normal at this point) and opted not to put fruit salad on her plate or the bread. I put a very small spoonful on it for her and brought her the bread. She wanted "nothing (with an attitude)" to drink, only because I have asked her to try and drink more since her lips are so dry and she gets chronic headaches. The doctor was the one that advised this so in an effort to control, she doesn't want to drink, of course. Anyway, she was trying to completely disconnect from being with us at dinner so we shut of the tv. She didn't freak on us which was a shock, but obviously was less than thrilled.
She asked to be excused after rapid fire eating. I reminded her that she would need to take a bite of bread and try the fruit if she wanted to get any of the candy that D brought us earlier in the day. She said she didn't care (YEAH RIGHT!) so I excused her. She went outside.
After we finished up eating I joined her in the hammock and had Dad lock the door so that we could be alone. I joined her in the hammock and she seemed to perk up. Again, she loves to be the center of my world. I told her she was so close to get 2 of those fabulous candies, only one bite of fruit away... She informed me that she didn't like it. I told her that there was banana in it with yogurt on top and reminded her she chose to dip her banana in her yogurt (same flavor) yesterday... so it was the same thing. She asked if the babies got candy and I informed her that all but Lexi had finished and they were.
I went on to discuss how negative she has been and that I didn't understand. She just denied being negative. I asked her why she doesn't want to have fun with us and hang out (she told me that she didn't want family time tonight) and she said that she just wanted to watch tv. I reminded her that she was bored of tv... She asked why the babies weren't out with us. I told her that I feel like I can not win- if the babies aren't out, she wants them out. If they are, she finds them annoying. She then states that she didn't really want them out, she wanted them to come out so she could go in and watch tv. I told her that all I want is for her to be happy and make the good choices.
Anyway, I didn't lead on that I was frustrated, but went in to bring out the rest of the family. I told her that we were having family time tonight. That we missed her and that we needed to play together. The kids and Daddy joined us outside and it was ok. I pushed the little one's on the swing as C dug up parts of the yard, hoping she was doing something that we would find inappropriate and tell her to stop. We allowed it. She broke the shovel.
Daddy had to make a phone call and I got the idea to go in the front yard and let the little ones ride trikes so Celia and I could play soccer. The behaviorist recommended getting her to sweat after dinner before starting a night time routine. She asked why we were going in, again, only to be contradictory. I told her we were going in the front yard. All tots adn I were out the door and she stalled in every way possible... chosing to comb her hair for no real reason and make it known that she wasn't a willing participant.
We are out front and she is messing with the kids bikes. I get out the soccer ball and in a fun way, taunt her into a soccer challenge of keep away. She bites. So first she has to get it from me. She was laughing and smiling. Then I have to get it from her... and I do as she kicks it hard and it was just a race at that point. Still laughing and smiling and I was about to praise Jesus for this fun game when she decides to go get her drink. She does not return.
Dad comes out after his call and I ask him to get C from inside. Told him she is justing pulling out the power card. He gets her to come out but she wants to sit on the porch. I tell her she needs to come play with the family. She refuses. I warn her that if she chooses not to participate, there will be a consequence. We don't have our coins set up yet, so I am rattling my brain to come up with something quick. I tell her I will count to five and if she does not come participate, then she is choosing a consequence. She doesn't come so I tell her no tv tomorrow. She is mad! She said I was coming to participate. At this point, I didn't feel I could allow any further control. I told her that the consequence wasn't instead of playing, that she needed to do as she was asked. She still refused, so I led her into the house and calmly (as if I wasn't phased by the whole thing) asked her to go and shower.
So from here it got pretty ugly. She started mouthing about not wanting to and that it was only 6:30 so why did she have to. I entertained her question, telling her that as I had told her in the morning, that she was going to be early (8 instead of 8:30) because she made no effort to sleep last night and needed to get her body caught up on the sleep. "THAT ISN"T WHY" she said. I calmly assured her that it was and that at this point, everyone was coming in for baths. She SLAMMED the bathroom door. I opened it, asked her to close it like the big girl that she was because she has been doing this slamming and I needed to see that she was capable of doing it the right way. I counted the five times she closed it correctly and left as she crumbled onto the floor in angry tears. She was to take her shower and join us for lotion time and stories and prayers, etc as we do every night. I went downstairs to help Dad bring in the tots and when I returned to begin bathing my older boy, she was locked in her room and crying on her bed. I sent my son on his way to begin the bath water and talked with C.
I reassured C that I loved her. I told her how much I wanted her to make a better choice. I told her that I wanted to do lotion time and story time and enjoy her company tonight but that in order to do that, she would need to take a bath. She told me she wasn't interested. I told her that I was going to get my son's water started and that when I got back, I would hope that she would be taking a shower and that if she didn't, she would be making a choice of another consequence. Of course, I stalled, and came back and she was in her bed, no longer crying.
I gave her one last chance to go and take a bath. Then I told her that I could see she was ready for bed and that she didn't want to bathe. I told her I would get her sleeping pill and water and return. She was there when I returned. I asked her twice to take her medication, and she refused. I told her I loved her and that I hoped she would make better decisions going forward and left.
Dad went in once the other 2 tots were bathed and gave her a hug which at first she refused to give him. He asked her for eye contact and then told her how much we both love her and that it is because we love her that we have to have rules and ask her to obey us. He reminded her that tomorrow was a new day and that tomorrow is going to be a great day. She said it would not. He said that was her choice and that if she chose to obey that it would be a great day of fun, and if not, then it wouldn't be. But it was up to her. Of course, she likes to be in control and try to punish us with her attitudes and behaviors so I am sure that until this power struggle clearly has us in control and her as the submissive, there will not be many fun days for any of us though we are trying to not let her negative attitude direct the attitude of the home.
He said goodnight. She is kicking the wall to try and get us in her room to tell her to stop. She is making clicking noises... refused her sleeping meds (did I say that already) and we have decided to ignore any and all behaviors for the rest of the night. We don't want to give her any more power. The only other option would be to take everything out of her room and then she would just clap her hands or something like that in an attempt to disobey. She wants to disobey. But why? Control? Isn't it more fun to be good and do fun things?? It was at first. But not any more. It is like she WANTS to be miserable and bring us all down.
Anyway, I am sure there will be more tomorrow. We are supposed to go to a wedding tomorrow in which J is standing in it, and if I don't go, she wins again. If I do go, my poor Mom will have to deal with her. YIKES! Fun, right? She hates it when we leave. She is so afraid of being abandoned.
We are loving her through it. We pray for supernatural wisdom... and great instinct because no matter how many "tools" we are given, the situation is always changing.
No comments:
Post a Comment