C family visit, Oct, 27

Well what a long day yesterday was. I knew it would be as soon as I had seen the email from B telling me that the appointment was set. She didn't seem too nervous about it as it approached, having found out about it after her party on Sunday.

I made it home from a Dr. appt just in time to pick up C and head to CPS. Well, we weren't supposed to be at CPS so running 5 minutes behind turned into 20 minutes behind, but we made it all the same. She was happy to see her siblings. I couldn't hear or see how it went but by her demeanor, I think it was relatively uneventful and she didn't end up with a headache or sick this time! Great news there.

Once the visit was over, we were driving to Mc Donald's to get a quick bite with the rest of our fam before heading home to homework. She had cried about how much homework she had while on the way to the visit, half nerves and half honest I assume, and was really upset that we wouldn't have family time for us after this day was done. Anyway, a quick bite at Mc D's and hopefully she could blow off some steam in the playcenter to help transitition her back to our world.

She was antagonistic the whole drive. She defended her bio brother sneaking a pet into the house. She was looking for a fight over absolutely nothing. I could see bottled emotions and she just wasn't ready to deal with them in a health way so I dodged the punches.

We ate. She played for 5 minutes and we headed home for school work. At the study table she mentioned how sad she was that she isn't being raised with her brother and sister any more. I could see the change in her as she spoke. I comforted her and directed her back to the mound of homework she was just beginning to tackle.

A quick shower later and into bed. I tried to bring up the conversation she started earlier. She does a lot of thinking in bed so knew she was already going there. She said that seeing her brother and sister made it harder. That she really missed them, especially A. She didn't seem to want to talk more so after story and kisses, we left the room.

Dad heard her crying. I went in... for 1.5 hours we talked as she SOBBED. She said how she was afraid that since she wasn't being raised with her bro and sis that they wouldn't feel as close to her and that when they were older, she feared they would chose to not spend time with her then. She said she was mean to them. She said that they never told eachother that they loved one another until she was removed. We talked about her faith in God. We talked about some good, honest goals to work on with Mrs. B... to speak on how she really feels about her bro and sis. It scares her to try and talk honest there because they NEVER did it. I told her she could teach them how by starting... we will see. Anyway, we talked about Grandma, bio mom, and of course, Uncle and Aunt. I asked her if she thought that maybe Uncle and Aunt (never now called Mom and Dad except to their faces) may learn to meet their needs better and then it might be best to live there and be with them and her bio sibs. She said NO- I will live with you and see my bro and sister. She has NO ROOM for this idea in her head and actually talks about living here as a fact. I think it gets her through the nights. Anyway, she purged. I listened and dried the tears. We prayed together...

And she woke up in a great mood today. You know she turns 12 today!!! 3 more gifts to open and then it is done for a whole nother year.

Thank you, Mrs. B for your support and for your understanding. I had a shoulder surgery last week and an appointment at 2 at that Biltmore area to have stitches removed so that is why we were late, not to mention the location change.

SCHOOL is not going well. I have an appointment with the teachers and psych this Friday to talk about a course of action. She is really struggling in every way.