The Normal Build Up

As we suspected (knew) would happen, but had hoped against, C is back in her normal cycle. After her blow up from camp, she felt bad and I do believe didn't ever want to do "that" again. She came home, earned back nearly all of her priveledges over a couple weeks time, with a few bouts of regression that were mild. But as of Thrs, I knew we were on the road to another blow up...

She came home Thrs. in quite a funk. Didn't want to talk about it but shot me dirty looks, short comments, etc. She had an appointment with B at our house which seemed to bring her out of the mood. I knew that was just temporary.

Yesterday, Friday, she had it dialed up. A few examples were at dinner she was eating with the worst manners she could muster up. I would ask her to "stop chewing with her mouth open", then she would just change to a different but equally repulsive behavior. By the end, she was taking her fork against the empty plate and scratching it to make a horrid squeeking sound. Again, asked her to stop. She held the fork up in the air and dropped it onto the porcelein plate. Her brother covered his ears and said "that too loud". Later, she brought her remote controlled boat into the pool, placed it in front the of swimming kids and told them not to touch it. She was wanting to antagonize them the way she had been me. No one is safe from it.

So today was supposed to be a church event this morning that she wanted to go to. I think it was cancelled and no one called us because we were teh ones complaining that they moved a Wed night event to Sat and they have since decided (not just because of us, but because of several families) that Wed are going to work better. Anyway, no one was there. Of course, it was my fault in her world... she begins putting her feet up on the dash and opening the glove box with her toes. Please stop. Then leaning the chair back and sliding it with rough motions. Please stop. More of the same.

I mention the in appropriate behaviors from the past couple days to her in passing and get defensiveness. I tell her she needs to find the appropriate ones...

So we decide to go to the library as a family. In the car she plays with a toy phone and holds the button down so the noise won't stop. I ask her to stop. She picks up a baby doll and makes it "cry", I warn her that she needs to stop with the senseless noises or she will be writing sentenses. She then begins making ticking noises. I tell her she will be writing sentences when she gets home... then of course, she pouts and begins with her mouth like a 4 year old. Dad pulls over the car and asks her to uncover her ears and look at him. She doesn't. He tells her she will lose a privelege if she doesn't comply. She won't look at him but puts her hands down. He tries to tell her that this is the point she needs to make a decision about how to behave going forward. That she can come out of today with no worse than sentences or she can lose her priveleges that she has earned back... silly him for thinking he could speak. He is cut off, muttered at, etc.

She goes to the library and tries to check out DVD's which we don't allow. Then we are the bad guys for her not having any books... more of the same.

She is home. Sitting at the table "not hungry" with lunch in front of her. Making paper airplanes out of her sentence paper, switching seats, trying to get up to go get her favorite pencils instead of what dad got her, and I am ignoring her but not allowing her up except for going to the bathroom. We have our other children on the opposite side of the house to keep them from the stress of it all.

No, this isn't a big blow up- Yet. It will be. She makes it so hard to enjoy her. I slept an extra 10 minutes this morning because I knew she would be gone in a car with Daddy and I wouldn't have to see her until 10am when she returned from D group at church. Sad. I want to want to be with her. I love her. I really do love her.... but honestly, I am so hurt by her so often that my guard feels like it is permanently up. She wanted to know when I wanted to finish the movie we started watching last night together and I can not answer her honestly. I say what I should as her loving mom, " We will watch it later today" but honestly, who wants to sit in a fish tank with a shark? Especially the shark that ate your right leg last week and your left pinky today?