What is going on?

So, on Friday evening we told C about the fact that Aunt and Uncle had decided that it would be best for her to stay here as she wanted. We were very clear in saying that the first step in getting adopted has happened, but that the courts have to decide if we are the best home and that they may look for family first. I have told her that G'ma has said she could stay and Aunt and Uncle have said that, but the courts have the final say. She was SO OVERJOYED. It was awesome. Again, she was mostly unwilling to hear the part about possibly not staying, stating later that night in her prayers that it was a 99.9% chance. The things she hears sometimes!

Anyway, we took her to a movie at church on Saturday morning and a friend from her group invited her to spend the night and to just leave church and start the day with them. We agreed to it and she went to spend the day and night with one of her 2 best friends. We would pick her up as we always do after first service at church so that she could help teach the 4 year old class with Daddy and I.

I picked up a pretty angry daughter. She said she had fun. She rubbed it in my face that her friend's mom makes home made scones and home made icecream and I don't. She was very ANGRY. We let it go at church but by the time we were walking to the car, I had to confront her. I told her that her attitude was entirely unacceptable. In the car, she was goating and rude to the babies. Again, I had to stop her and suggested she go to her room and get her family face on when she came out.

I made lunch while she listened to the radio in her room. When I told Dad the specifics of her behavior, he went up to see if she wanted to talk it through. She didn't. She said "Things are NEVER ok." THat was all she would say. She chose not to come down for lunch. I went up and told her it was hard to understand how she could be so angry at me when the last we spoke we were talkign about going to Disneyland and her being adopted. She had nothing to say. I asked her if she was ready to be with the family. She wasn't. I moved her onto the green couch with a journal and told her when she was ready, she can get off.

I can not figure it out. I know she is tired, but this isn't just tired. This is mean, hurtful, angry behavior. Is it that she was with her friend and now misses her sister more? Is she processing the finality of adoption? Is she comparing us to the other family and seeing that we aren't perfect? It sucks. Whatever it is, it sucks. I told her that it makes me not want to let her spend the night if this is the way I will be treated afterwards.

We will see how long she stays there. Sh eis one strong willed child. I think it will be most of the afternoon, just to make a point. I don't know what else to do. I will not be offering her any more food until dinner. If she choses not to participate, that is her choice but I will not be re-fixing any meals or rewarding the behavior with snacks.