Friday night blow up

Well, as it goes, there are good days and bad. We love her regardless...

Friday was a hard day. C is not having fun at school. Academically, she is working very hard and the compromises in her work expectations have made her finally feel somewhat successful. This has become more evident. THe problem is socially. C has no real friends at school. She feels like an outcast and alone there. Because of this and the trials with her learning, she rarely comes home from school in a very good mood. Most days we can coax her back to happiness, but not always.

She came home in a seemingly indifferent mood. The usual hugs and questions about her day ensued at which time Daddy called me into our bedroom for a talk. I excused myself and while Dad was talking to me about some pretty serious stuff, I knew that C was in the other room brewing about being alone in the room. I couldn't even sit on the bed while we talked and was trying to keep it short. Dad wasn't picking up the clues and in my mind, I was playing a tug of war about why I shouldn't be allowed to have a conversation with my husband in teh middle of the day. One would think that a grown woman could break away from her child for an adult conversation without being "punished". But I knew differently and honestly, I just am tired of the "fights". So I wrapped it up as quick as I could but it was simply too late.

"You and Dad can talk at night after I am in bed." I just don't get this child. So I told her that we are adults and that we can talk whenever we need to. Then teasingly said ," You don't think that world should revolve around you, do you?" "No..." with a smile as she flung herself on the couch. She asked if she could change the channel and being a Friday, she gets a repreve from the normal homework so I agreed. "Now you have to get up the babies." She was mad because she got very little alone time and it was indeed time that I head up stairs and get up the tots. She pouted as she marched outside and forfeited her tv option.

I got up the tots as need be. Changed their pants, got their drinks, etc. and then headed out back to talk with C. She didn't want to talk and honestly, being the center of attention and controlling my actions is what she wanted so I decided to head inside and let hte boredom of her choice sink in.

After about 30 minutes she came in and was irritable but not overly inappropriate. At dinner, Daddy came down from work and was in his normal, good mood but sensed right away that I was not, nor was C. So he asked C what was going on. She snapped, "Nothing!" I told him with her in front of us why he was upset. He didn't say much in response but let an awkward silence fall on the dinner table.

We told the kids to get ready to go to Grandma's house for the night. We would be playing adult games with some company while they watched a movie. She protested. I remained calm and told her that it was not up for debate and that she could make it as fun as she chose to. That there would be snacks, movies, toys, and she could bring her new MP3 player and Tomigatchi toys with her. She pouted.

In the car she complained. I asked her to stop. She did it again. I told her it was her last warning or she would not be participating. She did it again and at that point and told her she would be bound to the back bedroom. We got there and I asked her to say hello to her grandparents and then to go to the back room. She did and then cried while in there.

30 minutes later we offered her one last shot at an attitude change and she took us up on it. She came out and was socially appropriate and actually had a really good time asking why we had to leave when we did. Once in the car, she was back to a really bad attitude.

That evening she lost three dimes from her jar due to talking back.

I often feel like I am "walking on egg shells" in our home. She is very sensitive and when she is in that mood, it really doesn't take much to set her off. Honestly, I think she "needs" to blow up in order to feel better so the sooner we draw a line in the sand and tell her we won't take any more, the sooner she blows and then can feel better again. Yet, the blow up is not healthy for us or her. The toddlers really don't get it. We feel like we can not speak firmly and honestly with her because she will make us "pay" and yet, she needs the boundaries and honesty. It makes it really hard. Not to mention my mom is really starting to wonder about her since the way she treated my mom last week on Thursday night, once when we were on vacation, and then this Friday. She sees that it is common and intense and worries for the impact it has on our tots and all of us.

I was talking with J last night about how I think if you asked her if she was being good, she would say "yes" because compared to where she was before, this is probably really good behavior. And yet, it is no where near appropriate or good. We have good days, don't get me wrong. But more days are spent dancing around her irritability and blow ups than just enjoying her for who she is. I can't wait until we get to a point where she can just relax and stop looking for a fight. Where we can all just love eachother and work to be there for one another.