Wed, November 5th

Well, here we are, the day after the big election. Funny how C got her head around this whole election thing. She says "Obama is a terrorist". Where do kids get this stuff?? So silly. She plead her case for why 6th graders should be allowed to vote, which was funny. It didn't make her too happy that I couldn't agree with her position.

Did I write about the other night that she couldn't sleep? It was Sunday night, after the party. I think I did... I will have to check.

Anyway, we went to get her meds changed on Monday and she was as closed as always with the doctor. We went to the nephrologist that same day. She missed virtually the whole day of school between these two appointments. The psych added a morning pill. The nephrologist took some blood and will call us. She was happy to be out of school and had little homework because of it. She actually had some free time and was able to get ahead in spelling and vocab to prepare time for make up work on Tuesday.

Tuesday was not as good of a day. She had tutoring after school and honestly, I am fed up with her doing math for an hour after school and then being expected to do another 20 minutes of it once she gets home. I signed off on the math and allowed her to move on to other subjects, however, she was in a foul mood. She never did tell me why. That evening, we went to have C's 12 year old pictures done and family pictures for Christmas. Everyone looked so pretty and I was really excited about it, despite C's negative attitude. I was surprised that the idea of the pics didn't cheer her up. She had been wanting to do them but nothing could shake whatever happened at school. She was picking fights (or trying to) the whole evening until picture time. WE took the family pictures first and at one point, the photographer asked her if she could give even a part of a smile. I was not happy to hear this as now I KNEW she was trying to gain control, make it known how unhappy she was, all by ruining the family pictures. That was the last picture as the shutter snapped adn then they were on to my son's 4 yr old pics and C's 12 year old pics. My son did great. All my tots did amazing! My 12 year old was a different story. When it came to her individual pics, she was refusing to smile and I stopped the photographer. I told C that I would not spend money on those so she would just need to stop and we would go. She said she would smile and forced a grin. I picked up my purse, told the tots to come with me and motioned to C that we were done. Suddenly she saw how serious I was and began to cooperate. Her pics turned out great and her attitude was better that point forward... but our family pics are not very good due to the attitude she had. Why she does this... not sure. It sure is often though.

Today was a decent day. She had early release adn then her detention. Dad picked her up to run an errand and then to open a bank account to keep her allowance in. She decided once the errand was run, that she didn't want to go to the bank today. She wanted to be sure to have time with me and the family before her church group tonight. So they will do that bank stuff another day. We are trying to teach her to value money. She has no idea of it right now.

This morning, C came bouncing down the stairs to announce to me that she "had the best dream". This was something to get excited about because C never remembers her dreams but she was so excited today because SHE DID. I was expecting something fable like- but it wasn't. She said that in her dream I took her out of school one day and announced to her that the courts said we were adopting her. We went home and had a huge party. She said, "It was the happiest day of my life, Mom." I hugged her and told her that it would be mine, too. I don't want to lead her on, but I have been clear about the fact she IS NOT MINE and may GO BACK, and she refuses to hear it. If she needs this hope of adoption to cope, I am not going to keep crushing the hope. I don't want to mislead, but I have not. I have been very clear. She just doesn't accept anything about going back as even a possibility. So, I hug her and cry with her and we pray together and both find comfort in our hopes to one day be a family. And if not- well, we will cross that bridge when and if we get there.